Something I just typed up in the last hour. Nothing funny. Wanted to store it online, so really nothing to see here, I guess?
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Diner. Two characters in a diner, sitting face to face, talking about God. "I wouldn't say I don't want to see my 35th birthday... I'm just going to be very depressed that God is that bad of a shot." I looked at him strangely. He spoke blastphomy like it was nothing to him, and he adjusted his ring. "Do you really think God has it out for you?" I ask him. He laughed, "Hell, I don't think he's out to get me in the same way the boogieman waits in childrens' closets. But something's up. Some people have luck, a natural ability to get everything right. Either I have a birth defect or I'm getting the bitter end of divine intervention." He then took a sip of his tea and continued, "I've got nothing against Him. He seems like a good enough guy, creating the world and free will and all... I've got nothing against the guy. It's not like I'm out there burning bibles in front of children or stomping on boxes of puppies. Why doesn't he pick on someone who has it coming?" "I doubt He is doing that to you. Why would He? He surely has many things to do other thna just harass you." "Hell, maybe it's a leisure sport, maybe He's good at multitasking... I don't know." He poked at his food idly. "I bet it's just a case of bad luck." "If it is, my luck streak has been bad for 3 years and the only counterbalance to it now is if gold rained from the sky." He looked outside and sighed to himself. "Ah, that's wouldn't be any good anyways; it would just kill me when it hit me on the head. That's just the way it goes for me. I'll get one or two good things, then a big bad one crushes me or just sneaks up from behind to stealthily kill my hopes and dreams." "You ever think of asking Him for guidance? A bit of help?" "Ah, I pray every night and I just hope that He hears me. I'm agnostic, sure, but I know He's there. I just don't know if He's listening or not. Sometimes I think it's a test of will, or something. Like this is meant to make me stronger somehow..." That suprised me. I've heard him talk about God before and he never seemed like the type to pray or believe in any of that sort of thing. I didn't act like I thought this, though. "Well, I'm no expert or anything. I just know what I hear in church and from other people." "Well, people say lots of things. They say He works in mysterious ways. I don't know if that's true or false, I'm just along for the ride and living the best I can. But I believe that eventually the good guys will finish first. I'm just waiting for the checkered flag." He poked at his food again, with a short pause, maybe trying to decide to eat any. This was something I had never expected from him. He had no religion, perse, but he had more faith than many people I have known, and had more morals than an even greater number. But he didn't look like it and you would never guess it.
March 28th, 2005 ----- Consider, if you will, a fictitious country, complete with it's own religion, beliefs, and moral values. I've been wanting to write some of my own mythology, and so I present to you one of this country's great fables.
Out. -----
The Man with Singular Tastes
There once lived an old man atop a hill in a small house, where he had lived for many years. This old man lived quite alone, where he spent the majority of his day reading a book and eating his meals. He read the same book each day and ate the same food while doing so. He sat in his only chair and smoked his only pipe. He did this from sunrise to sunset, never failing in his routine, for a long time.
This is not to say no one would come to see him. From the village below, people would check on the old man and bring him food. When they had arrived, he would strike up the same conversation, never caring to discuss different topics. He would discuss the book he was reading, and had been reading for quite some time. He would also speak great lengths of the meal he had just finished or was eating at the time. This was the conversation he preferred, and if a visitor were to change to another topic, he would go on uninterrupted, as if not a word was uttered. After this conversation was finished, he would sit in silence, soaking in what he said, and it pleased him so. Soon all casual visitors ceased to visit the old man, and food was delivered to him after he went to bed. One day, the food had stopped coming. The old man was not able to make his meal, and was forced to walk down the hill to the village.
To his surprise, the village had changed in the many years since he has last came down as a child. The clothes people wore, the way of speaking; in fact, everything was different! Suffice to say, no one knew this old man, or where his food had gone, or to why he was even getting food in the first place. The villagers and the old man were very confused. The old man, not knowing what to do, started his conversation in hopes of someone recognizing it... but alas, no one wanted to hear his story of such an old book or of the food he once had.
And so, as the day grew dark and the man grew hungry, he stumbled into a shop. He was cold, hungry, and old of breath, but managed to spit out some words. The shop keeper was confused as to what the old man was talking about, but went to the back of the shop and grabbed one of their newest imported foods to give to the poor man. The man, not looking too closely at the food, ate it with much haste. But soon, his chewing slowly came to a stop. To his horror, it was not as he expected! This was not the same meal he had eaten for all those years! He did not even have his chair, nor his book or pipe! No, this wasn't what he was used to at all!
He would have ran out just then, ran back to his house atop the hill, and sat in his comforting daily ritual... He would have, if only he did not enjoy what was in his mouth. If he didn't enjoy the shop he was in.
From that day forward, the old man atop the hill was no more. The house laid empty, with only a book and pipe collecting dust by a chair. Instead, the village had a new member living above the shop, testing new goods brought past by merchants, greeting people in the street, and idly reading materials out of the local library.
February 5th, 2005 ----- Yeah, I haven't updated in two months. Happy Belated New Year? Anyways, this update comes while I am headed out the door, but it's extra long, so stuff your complaints.
OUT! ----- [Setting: Graveyard, 10PM. The night air is deathly still, a wolf howls in the background. The groundskeeper, Zeebs, is busy working into the dusk with his duties, clearing the autumn leaves. A sound is heard, as a hand appears from the ground next to a tombstone.]
November 13th, 2004 ----- Okay, I have a lot of writing to get catching up on. I have to write the continuation of the skit I started a while ago, the new [Setting - Hell] is formulating in my brain, and I have yet ANOTHER storyline to use and abuse. Clones.
The next [Setting - Hell] will be sure to have someone I have been avoiding for a while. I want to include the character of Jesus in this little saga I have going, but He is someone that you just can't use without some kind of care. One thing, I don't need this server to be struck by lightning. Two, I really want to give him a defined character. So until I finish the work on Him, I'll be delaying that skit.
Let's work on that continuation, eh?
OUT! -----
First Half of Skit As we rejoin our college dormmates, they are about to find Derek a new girlfriend using the internet dating services...
Derek: This is a stupid idea. Joe: Oh come on, let's give it a shot. Loading up... *typing* WWW dot Please No Fatties dot com. Derek: Oh jeez, I need to get new friends. Joe: Let's see, oh! Says here, it measures more than 50 personality character profiles with scientifically proven mathematical formulas, some arithmetic, and complex algorithms. Jerod: Wow, who thought he could run for President, invent the internet, AND solve love problems. That man is a fuckin' genius, man. Joe: Rrrrright. Derek: Fifty personality traits? Out of how many questions? Joe: I would assume fifty... oh wait, 5. Derek: What?! How can it tell me fifty things from five questions? Jerod: He did win the popular vote, ya know. Joe and Derek: SHUT UP, JEROD! Joe: Technology can do amazing things today. Derek: Let's get this over with. Joe: Okay, first question: If you were an insect, which insect would you be... tapeworm, dung beatle, or gazette? Derek: A gazette isn't a insect! Joe: Okay... gazette... next question: when having sex, do you think of the same gender as you? Yes or Sometimes. Derek: What?! I don't! Isn't there a choice for no?! Joe: Doesn't look like it. Derek: Wha... Bu... *sigh* put "sometimes" then. Jerod: Seriously? Dude, that's weird. Derek: I don't! Honest! Jerod: Hey, it's okay, I don't judge. You don't have to come to the club if you don't feel comfortable. Joe: Yeah, it's cool. Just let us take showers first, huh? Derek: WHAT?! Joe: *chuckle* This is kinda fun. Okay, next question: If rocky road is the highest selling ice cream flavor in America, what is the smallest nation on Africa? Jerod: I think this was on Final Jeopardy! last night... Derek: That doesn't even make sense. Joe: How are you going to get a girlfriend with THAT attitude? Jerod: Jeesh. Joe: We'll just put down Greenland for that one... okay, here's another: When talking to women, the thing I focus on is.. Derek: The conversation? Joe: They only have "tits" listed 3 times. Oh wait, "breasts" is the last choice. Jerod: I usually opt for the last one, although the first three are good too. Joe: Jerod, I think the strip club air is doing something to your IQ man... Derek: This test is bullshit! None of the answers apply to me! Joe: Simmer down, I got to the last one. Okay, who is the main girl bounty hunter in the Nintendo series of Met... Derek: *quickly* Samas Aran. Jerod: ..... What a NERD. Joe: Okay, let's total your results.... Ah, it says you are a passionate man who has great charisma and you are popular with the ladies...
(pause)
Joe and Jerod: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... Derek: What? WHAT?! Joe: Ha ha... Whew... Derek, man, you are right, this test is bullshit. Derek: Let's just go hit the club. Jerod: SOMEONE SAY CLUB?! Oh yeah, rock on!
November 7th, 2004 ----- I was going to type this short little message up as an away message, but I decided it was way to long and people really need to read this.
I am a procrastinator. I leave things go till the last night to get things done. It's not by choice, I cannot get things done before hand. I need to work under pressure. This, however, does not comfort me when I am forced to sit down and do trivial liberal arts college bullshit papers on how a French movie from the 1950's relates to a piece of work written centuries ago by opium smoking "philosophers".
This does not put me in a pleasant mood. And the last thing I want to hear is, "Oh, you should have started working on it sooner" or "You should have worked on it every day in parts" or "You shouldn't leave things go to the last minute" or something of the like. These lines usually come from enlightened geniuses that want to share their profound wisdom with you. I mean, not everyone knows that spreading the work out over a longer period of time is helpful. Not at all. So when I am in a pissy mood about work to be done and a wise person comes along and spouts one of their words-to-live-by bullshit, I want to thank them. With an axe to the head.
WHAT? Do you really think for a second I don't know I should get stuff done sooner? That, with your help, I will have some sort of revelation when you point out the blatantly obvious? Thanks asshole, because on top of the work pile, I need my mother telling me that it's all my fault, because it lightens the workload ever so much! Oh, and why don't you point out that I am in a bad mood too, and ask me what is wrong right after your words of wisdom? Because that is equivalent to rainbows and unicorns dropping pots of gold around me! Hurrah!
Here's a word of advice. The next time someone says that they have a lot of work they have to do in a short amount of time, just stick with "Good luck with the work" and avoid the commentary. We know you are the stellar worker. You don't need to rub it in.
OUT!
By the way, the continuation of the skit? On the work load. Good news is, there may be a new [Setting - Hell] soon as well.
October 28th, 2004 ----- Okay, the continuation of the skit is not done yet, but to tide you over, here is your computer telling you a story. Dowload the .wav and enjoy. Feel free to link to this story rather than send it about, I'd hate to find it in MY email, with someone else taking credit for it (I will find you and kill you).
October 24, 2004 ----- Well, today was a bit disappointing, but I'll live. Sorry for the long delay, but this is college life for you, not too much spare time to brood about writing. I stopped short of completing this little story. I'll think of more later if I get some more inspiration.
OUT!
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Derek, a sad dormie, tells his roommate Joe the bad news. Joe: You're dumped? Derek: Yeah. Joe: What happened? I thought you two were going great? Derek: I guess not? Joe: So which line did she use? Derek: Line? Joe: You know, "Let's just be friends", or "I think of you as a brother", or "You gave me a rash", something to that effect? Derek: First one. Joe: Ouch. That's the second time this month. What now? Derek: I think I'm just going to stay in tonight, maybe sulk for a bit, watch my Sports Illustrated Swimsuit videos... Joe: Want to hit the strip club? Derek: I don't think that'll help. Joe: Who said anything about helping? You don't need an excuse for a lap dance. Derek: Sigh. Joe: Don't get all pansy ass on me. In the next dorm room over, a voice yells out. Voice: STRIP CLUB?! Joe: See Derek? Jerod want to go to the strip club. Derek: Jerod would go to the strip club during his mother's funeral if he could... Jerod: I WANT TO SEE SOME BOOBIES! Derek: Shut up over there! Stop listening to our conversations! Jerod: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THERE WALLS ARE SO THIN! Joe: He got dumped. Jerod: WHICH ONE? Joe: Friends! Jerod: CAN'T BEAT THE CLASSICS! Joe: He has a point. Derek: Can we please stop talking about this? Jerod makes his way over to the room. Jerod: So are we hitting the club? Joe: No, baby boy is still sulking. Jerod: Still? Derek: It's only been 10 minutes! Jerod: Wow, that bad huh? This calls for drastic measures. Let's go to the strip club. Joe: One track mind, eh Jerod? Jerod: Well, I'm all out of ideas. Joe: We can hook you up with this internet dating service. Jerod: Yeah, a friend of mine tried it once. Hooked up with this hot Asian chick. Derek: Wasn't that James from down the hall? He had that Asain girlfriend that didn't even have a green card... Jerod: Technicality. Joe: Dude, that wasn't a dating service, that was a mail order bride. Jerod: I didn't say I invented the service, jeesh. Joe: Whatever, let's try this website...
July 29-30th, 2004 ----- Here's the skit I wrote on Wednesday. I figured the previous rant was long enough on it's own, and I didn't need to add this on. On that note, if you do have any comments (as I did get a nice comment yesterday which a clever reader pointed out a good point), please add them! I won't lash out, I love the criticism.
OUT! -----
Ding. Door opens to Bachelor's Furniture. Customer: Hello, I'd like to buy a couch. Clerk: Are you married? Customer: Yes... why do you ask? Clerk: I'm sorry, you can't buy furniture here. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Customer: What?! Clerk: We here at Bachelor's Furniture serve only the finest second-hand furniture to the finest bachelors. And frankly, I don't appreciate your kind around here insulting our store. Customer: (flabbergasted) You're turning me down because I'm married? Clerk: Don't play coy with me mister all-high-and-mighty! Customer: I demand to see the manager! Manager walks in from the back room. Manager: What, eh... what seems to be the trouble here? Customer: This man refuses to sell me a couch. Clerk: He's... married, sir. Manager: WHAT?! How dare you mock our fine establishment! Ding. A police officer walks in. Manager: Ah, finally. Customer: Yes, someone sane in this place. Police Officer: What's all this ruckus? Manager: Thank the bachelor lord in heaven, you got here just in time. This... married trash is causing trouble. Customer: They are all nuts! Police Officer: We can't have that. Customer: Phew. Police Officer: (grabs Customer) Time for us to leave. Customer: What?! Hey! Now see here! Police Officer: (beats Customer) Quiet you, let's see how you like causing trouble downtown! Ding. Police Officer and Customer leave the store. Clerk: Ah, glad that's over. Manager: Yeah, another one of those. Clerk: So, how's the misses?
July 28th, 2004 ----- Do you know the feeling you get when you are high on acid and you say, "Woah man, look at all the colors", but you realize after 3 hours someone duct taped a kaleidoscope to your head? Yeah, I feel like that all the time. -----
Okay, it's time for me to intervene here. I'm just going to come out and say it, patriotism is a crock of burning trash and dead animals. That's right, I said that. There it is. Label me unpatriotic if you want. I don't fucking care at this point. Now that the people who shouldn't be reading my site have left, I'm going to explain why this concept is making the nation retarded.
Patriotism encourages you to take pride in your nation. I have no problem with this. America is a fine country. We have our problems, and so do other countries, it's just that ours takes the form of bombs that blow up said countries. Now people are taking patriotism way too damn far, and it makes me completely angry. It has come to the point were if you say you don't like President Bush, or the decisions that he makes, you are labeled unpatriotic, or in other words, an America-hater. This is the point where my bullshit detector starts to beep and then explodes due to a massive overload of bullshit.
Unpatriotic because you disagree?! This is still a democracy, correct? I thought the WHOLE POINT of democracy was to have the freedom to disagree. So, wait, let me get this straight, because I sure as hell don't want to get this wrong. If you disagree with decisions/wars/blind servitude and/or President Bush, you are unpatriotic. Hmm... always having to believe the government and following it's every rule... that's sounds like... oh, let's see now... COMMUNISM.
That's right, patriotism is communism. And if you are a "true patriot", like we all should be according to popular/Republican opinion,you should be against communism. That brings us to a catch-22, children. If you are patriotic, you are basically supporting communism. But you can't be patriotic if you do that, so you should be unpat.. but if you are unpatriotic, then you can't be... wait... wait.... SHIT! My head is going to explode with logic and impossibilities!
That's why you should say "screw it" and stop labeling people patriotic or not. Because patriotism itself is unpatriotic. Now go find another political fad to hold on to. I'll be waiting.
July 21, 2004 ----- I don't know how good this will be. I have a vague idea, and I'm writing it in a time period of 7 minutes. GO!
OUT!
----- An evil villian is sitting in his lair as the hero stumbles into his evil trap. Valdir: Well, Mr. Bond, it appears you have stumbled into my trap! You should have known you weren't capable of beating the likes of me! Bond: You'll never get away with this you fiend! Valdir: Oh, but I will! With this freeze ray, I shall take over the world! But first, I shall...
The giant gun in the background fires at Bond, freezing him solid.
Valdir: What?! What just happened? Henchman: Sorry sir. Valdir: What did you do? Henchman: Well, I... I... Valdir: WHAT?! Henchman: I was waiting for your speech to be over, and I accidently put my elbow on the fire button. Valdir: You fool! I wasn't done gloating yet! I had at least 5 more minutes explaining my plans for world domination! How can I do that now? Huh? Answer me that. Henchman: He's... frozen sir. Valdir: EXACTLY! I can't hold a condisending conversation with him now! Henchman: Well, I can try sir. Valdir: What? How? Henchman: Here. (Trying his British accent out) You'll never get away with this! Valdir: Umm... Oh but... I will! (growing more confident) With this freeze ray, I shall take over the world! But first, I shall test the gun out on you Mr. Bond. Henchman: Not if I have anything to do with it! (Smashes the gun controls) Valdir: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Henchman: Ah ha! I've foiled your plans for the last time! Valdir: You idiot! You smashed the gun controls! Henchman: And now I'll take you into British intellegence! Valdir: Have you gone MAD!? You are NOT Bond! Henchman: Oh yeah, that's right. Sorry, I guess I got carried away. Valdir: Sigh, well unfreeze him then, and fix the gun. We'll try it again.
This came out of a conversation I had with my friend concerning my writer's block. I had a big write up and everything, but this is the 10th time I tried posting this, and I'm tired. Basically, thanks Yu! You really made my day when I made this.
OUT!
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James: Arg, I have writer's block again. I haven't written anything in weeks. Doria: Why not? James: Well, I haven't had the proper inspiration in a while. Doria: Inspiration? I can inspire you! James: It's just not that easy to... Doria: SURE IT IS! People tell me all the time I inspire them to do things! James: Like violent acts? Doria: What? James: Nothing. Doria: Okay! I'll say a word, and you write about it! James: Yeah.. sure.. why didn't I think of that before? *cough* Idiot. Doria: What? James: Nothing. Sigh.. what do you got? Doria: Puppies! GO with it. James: Puppies? There's not much I can do with puppies. In fact, I don't think there is much any word can do to stop writer's block. Doria: Now you are just being silly. How about... Unicorns! James: How about knife, gun, or noose? Doria: What? James: Nothing. I think I'm just going to go outside and have a smoke. Shaun, a mutual friend of James and Doria, enters the room.
James: Hey Shaun. Doria: James has writer's block! James: She's being trying to help me with it for the better part of 10 minutes now. Shaun: Did you try the word thing? James: Not you too... Doria: Yeah! Shaun: How about puppies?! Puppies are cool. James: (Staring at his cigs) I wonder how fast this things can give you tumors. Shaun: Try hammer. Does hammer ring a bell? Doria: Like MC Hammer? James: You know what guys, I think.. yeah, I am going to go home and write. Doria: Really? James: Yeah, you've helped a lot. I'm just going to fill up my bathtub, and start typing on my laptop. Doria: Have fun! James: On the laptop. In the water. Shaun: Good luck! James: Yeah.
June 20th, 2004 ----- Hint: When I say I'm going to update, I won't for a month or more. -----
I do believe I may stop writing journal entries and focus more on skits or short stories. I've done my fair share of ranting and such, so I'm going to step off the soap box and work more on semi-funny sketches and whatnot. I think that [Setting - Hell] has progressed well past study hall dreaming. And now I have a new one. A LONG one. Don't blame me, please.
OUT!
[Setting - Hell]
Stan: I don't understand... why does Hell need a jail? Aren't all of the people in Hell deserving of going to jail anyhow? VP Bob: Yes, but the worst of our Hellians are put in cells to keep order in Hell. Stan: But I thought you just put them in lower levels? VP Bob: We did back in the 19th Century, but since Satan doesn't recycle... Satan: Bah. VP Bob: ... the center and lower levels of Hell have filled up with non-biodegradable garbage. Satan: It's not so bad. VP Bob: The damned are climbing towards the surface on the piles of styrofoam and plasitc cups. Judas walks past. Satan: Fine, fine. I'll get Hitler to start cleaning it up as soon as I show Stan someone. Stan: Who? Elvis? Satan: No Stan, I want you to meet my son, the AntiChrist. Stan: Ohhh..... Elvis. Satan: Not Elvis. This is Damien. Damien: 'Sup. Satan: Yes, my son here has been trying to take over the upper world for quite some time. Damien: Sadly, I have not gotten it quite right yet. I have tried many things. Stan: For instance? Damien: World War I, the Cold War, the return of the Cleveland Browns... but nothing seemed to work. Finally, I got inspiration from one of humanity's greatest blunders. VP Bob: The nuclear bomb? Satan: Global warming? Stan: Los Angeles? Damien: Television! I was watching anime, and all of a sudden, I relized what was missing from my plans. Giant killer robots. So, I present to you my newest invention: the Robonator! A giant robot crashes through the wall and tramples though several groups of Hellians. Stan: Right. And how are you controlling that thing? Damien: I'm not! I programmed them to destroy everything in their path. Stan: And you have them down in Hell because? Damien: Because.... because... oh damn. Stan: I think you might want to wait to turn them on until they are on the surface. The giant robots start attacking the mounds of trash in the center of Hell. VP Bob: No wait! They are burning the garbage! We're saved! Satan: That was planned. They didn't make me the lord of darkness for nothing, you know. Stan: I don't think "they" had... Satan: I was appointed because I was the most fit for the duty. Read the history books sometime. Stan: Right.
Is anyone familiar with Bess Internet Filtering? Well, I was surfing the net for the most delicious of artifacts to share with you. I found this on a hacker website. This appears to be a leaked beta picture of the new logo for Bess Internet Filtering service. Now, don't tell everyone about this... we don't want to get in trouble here! Keep it on the downlow!
Apparently, they wanted to have a more accurate description of their services to potential clients.
OUT! - I am discontinuing the song lyric quotes. Expect new things! -
February 7th, 2004 ----- Worst Spam Ever Award goes to this guy, who tried to... I'm not too sure what he tried to do. The subject wasn't too bad of a ruse, except for the 1337 Yahoo!:
At this point, I was annoyed. Yahoo!'s spam blocker is a failure program at best, but I decided to open this one.
_Dear_ Yahoo* _User_,
Th!s letteer _inform_ you TH@T _your_ YAHOO! user ID (insane2757@yahoo.com) _will be BL0CKED @FTER 10 days` (as @FTER autoomateed reegisttration) 1f You will_ N0T s!gn up on YAHO0! WHITE l1st (to sign up - click here: http://Insane.yahoo.com/)
Th!s is done - beecause we` update N0W Yahoo` _not_ autoomateed reegistered User IDs.
Just... wow.
OUT! ""It's too bad... it's too bad... it's too bad..."
Shockwave has once again fallen under my awesomeness! This time, the object of my crushing was Arcadia, a game where you actually play four mini-games at once. It's not bad, but on Easy difficulty, it was.... easy. Here is a screenshot after 2 hours:
After two hours, I decide to call it quits. Six zillion points is quite enough. It seems I crushed the game so baddly the high score table.... died. Sometimes, I wonder if it was worth it.
OUT! "He's a pinball wizard, there has got to be a twist."
Update February 1st, 2004: Apparently, a 'zillion' is not an actual number. For those who are curious, that WAS a real score of mine, and it is six quadrillion, eight hundered seventy-four trillion, nine hundred sixty-five billion, nine hundred thirty-three million, nine hundred twenty thousand, seven hundred. You know, that's not that big.
January 29th, 2004 ----- DEVELOPMENT STATUS: Where have I been? Well, I have been very busy doing several things, not all involving slacking. I have been working on my Java IRC bots, which include Cyphrus, a personal EA bot which serves as quick links and even quicker laughs. My other bot, MortalKombot, was designed to be similar to the game Mortal Kombat, but this proved to be more practice than useful, but is entertaining in small doses. My thrid bot, which is under development, will run a text-based adventure inside an IRC room, with each user controlling a single-player game once they start one. Multi-player adventures are still beyond my grasp, so I'm compensating by designing it to be COMPLETELY customizable. I'll be coding this text "engine", if you will, and I'll develop a game with it using a program to generate game files. I'll release this program so anyone can make their own game! Woo! I say the ETA of the completion of this project is 10 days, with 5 days to complete the "engine", 2 days to complete the editor, and 3 days to make some sort of game. -----
I'll update this journal one of these days, don't you worry.
"Meet REALsingles Re: Let us match you with a REAL person Tue 01/13" - As opposed to robotic singles. I found the motto on their website: "We're responsible for building your date; you're responsible for bringing your floppy!" -----
I don't understand why AOL keeps sending me these disks. They suck. I will never order AOL service, EVER. Now they sent me AOL 9.0 Optimized. Well, I didn't think it was really all that optimized, so I redesigned the software myself. I can give you instructions if you like what you see:
January 10th, 2004 ----- This is just a new [Setting - Hell] I thought you'd enjoy, or possibly scoff at. Remember that? No? Yeah, I forgot about it too.
OUT!
"Turn it down you say? All I got to say to you is time and time again I say 'No!'"
[Setting - Hell] Satan: "Stan, I want you to meet four friends of mine; Conquest, War, Famine, and Death." Stan: "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse?!" Conquest: "Well, we are waiting for mankind to wage the war on all arctic sea life so we can ride again." Stan: "Sea life?" War: "Yes.... someone needs to break seals for us to return." Stan: "I think Jesus broke seals on a scroll." Conquest: "Well, any place will really do. Anyways, we aren't horsemen anymore. We have modernized." Famine: "We have done extensive research about the future to come up with transportation that will bring about the apocalypse in style." Death: "Over here are our jet cars that, if needed, turn into briefcases to save space." Stan: "Like in The Jetsons?" Conquest: "NO! Not like The Jetsons!" Stan: "It sure looks like the cars from The Jetsons. Glass dome top and everything." Famine: "No! The design is completely the result of research. The Jetsons is a horrible coincidence." Death: "Yes, I designed the cars myself. Also, if you say 'Go, Go Apocalypse Van', it turns into a van for hauling weapons, or possibly --" Stan: "WHAT?! You didn't do any research at ALL! You ripped off 1980's cartoons!" Satan: "Let's not accuse anyone of anything we can't prove..." Conquest: "Yes, we mustn't get sidetracked. We must show you the most devious invention." War: "These are the 5 rings that we are giving to 5 teens to summon us whenever they want." Death: "You know, if we decide to let 5 live." War: "Quite." Stan: "So.. you say sea life, huh?" Conquest: "Yes." Stan: "Yeah, good luck with that."
"Eva Pinto-Lobo What would a Ph.D. do for your career? Fri 10/10" - Well, Eva, maybe you should have asked yourself the same question before you started a dead-end career sending unsolicited e-mails. ----- Good news! I am back on my creative feet! I thought of an idea to start a new short story based on bottlenecked new technology. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make sense, but it's the best phrase can come up with. Of course, I'm not very good with spelling, grammar, or fully comprehensible speech. No matter! My teacher said I could be anything I wanted to be. You know, between fits of laughter.
People underestimate the French. The French army is the butt of many jokes, but perhaps this is just because people have no idea what the French army is capable of. It may be true that the French... haven't really had any major military victories since Napoleon, but the French have single handedly secured... France during the French revolution. True, it may have been that they were fighting themselves and they had no other choice but to win, but a country could have slipped in and won. And the French stopped that from happening. Oh yes, they thrill of victory. If I remember correctly, the French also can make good cake. Ha! I hope with this update, you can see the French in a different light.
This update is a game review of a project by the name of MOTAS, The Mystery of Time and Space. This is an adventure game, so be prepared. Unlike your FPSs, this actually requires you to use your brain. This game shares many similarities to games such as Day of the Tentacle or Sam & Max: Hit The Road, as it is a great 2D point-and-click game with some humor to keep the player continuing to play.
The objective of each of the 12 levels (with more on their way) is to unlock a door to proceed to the next level. Sounds easy? Well, it's really not. Some levels are designed to get a key, while others involve keycodes and intricite door lock systems. Many levels have immense logic puzzles, while others borrow from more familiar puzzles (one wall is unlocked by playing a game similar to Lights Out). The game is very challenging, and takes up an amazing amount of time with only the levels currently developed. If you are as intelligent as myself, which you cannot be since I have the brain of a monkey that is as smart as two monkeys, you can complete the game in a little over an hour. Since it is free and in the process of being developed, this game should be watched.
December 16th, 2003 ----- Journal Update! I was asked to make the text bigger so that people can read it much more easier. So, here you go. Now old people and one eyed monkeys can enjoy my journal.
Random Thought: The Americans are taking my jobs! It is true that I live in America, but those bastards have no right to put me in the poor house. Then there are the Canadians. Don't get me started on THEM. -----
The British are going to kill us all. No lie! They have secret plans to annihilate our ways of life. I have information here that they are using the BBC and Fox Family channels to communicate with their operatives. Don't believe me? It might be because they have the channels rigged up to change to Monty Python's Flying Circus episodes and Made-for-TV movies whenever an American tunes into the channel. My sources also tell me that they are making cyborg baboons to destroy Washington D.C. The baboons have laser guns for eyes and hatchets for feet. They use rocket-propelled grenades that come from their stomach to unleash deadly gas attacks on cities. We must prepare for these attacks NOW!
What I propose is attacking Britain first. Why not? They'll never seen it coming, mostly because British people live underground and are blind. Remember movies like 28 Days Later and The Italian Job (older version)? All lies. They serve only as propaganda to fool stupid Americans that they aren't evil mole creatures. If we can sneak in during the daytime, and use gigantic water hoses to flood their lairs, we can stop them.
December 15th, 2003 ----- Random Thought: If you have to put a warning on tobacco products, why not come out and say "Yeah, this will probably end to a slow, painful death." The system we have now is as foreboding as fortune cookies. An unfortunate event will take place in my near future? Oh, good Lord NO!
Now that I think of it, why put the warnings on at all? Everyone knows that they are bad for you. In fact, they should be even more deadlier. This way, those ignorant and stubborn enough to smoke will die quicker, and soon the gene pool won't have any of those morons in it altogether. Besides, if they are that stupid, chances are they will die quicker from other stupid things, like jaywalking or cooking toast in the shower. Tobacco-Caused Cancer doesn't kill people, stupidity kills people. -----
Among the people I hate, (which to be perfectly honest, is a lot) cyberers, those geeks who take part in cybersex, are among the top five. There is not a lot of actions that are more pointless than cybering (Watching Fox News and beating your face repeatedly with a hammer are a few). Since when did "OMG!!111 Ur so ph@t!!!1!1 i want 2 hav se x" become erotic?! Someone has obviously forgotten to tell me it has. This isn't Letters to Penthouse 3 here people, this is a teenage boy typing AOL language at a computer screen (another group that I despise), and its completely and utterly pathetic.
This topic doesn't come out of nowhere, this is a response to the fact that a girl opened up a "cyber-brothel" on The Sims Online. What the fuck is this all about? I hate to think that these complete morons have a place to go where they are not only not abused and laughed at, but ACCEPTED AND WELCOMED! Bah! I hate the human race for not being more stick with the "survival of the fittest" principle. This people are simply not fit to belong to a culture, or any other for that matter. If you cyber, please close this window and never return to this site, or preferably the Internet itself.
OUT!
"Out there, there is a fortune to be had... you think I'll let it go, you're mad..."
December 11th, 2003 ----- Random Thought: If the majority of people are disfunctional, are the sane minority the new crazy ones? -----
The world is so full of disfunctional people that if society tried to start helping them now, the world would end before it succeeded.
This isn't meant to be a whiny complaint or a call-for-help on my part, its the damned truth. This is assuming that society could stop squabbling for a few seconds and work together. The fact is that there are people trying to "help their fellow man", and the average fellow man has a crazy-ass agenda of his own and wants to kick you in the crotch. Iraq is protesting against Americans in their country? Pull out! Leave them there! Since they asked for it and wanted it, let them have it! If someone doesn't ask for your help, just don't give it, and don't complain about it. If something disgusts you, don't try to understand it and protest, just ignore it!
I don't understand why people insist on constantly complaining on OTHER people's problems. Obviously they care, but why should you? You shouldn't. This is why I am starting my new philosophy. "IDEA BOSS" is my new philosophy's name, and it stands for "I Don't Even Ask 'Bout Other Stupid Shit". Join now! Your fellow man is a jackass at large, and rather than letting him ruining your life, forget about him and let him die a slow, cold, lonely death! Did he get some underage girl pregnant? I Don't Even Ask! Did he light his house on fire? I Don't Even Ask! Did he invade another country and pilfer its oil while its economy and social stability collapse? I Don't Even Ask!
December 8th, 2003 ----- Reason for Updating: Everyone else has activity on a daily basis. I feel like I'm neglecting my imaginary audience. -----
I really have nothing today that is new. I could complain about all the stuff I complained about a couple days ago... that's pretty old though. In fact, I'm sick of complaining. It's time to have a nice journal entry about the good things in my life right now.
Let's see... there's... Jones Soda kicks some ass. Bah! That reminds me. The Shop n' Save around my house stopped selling Jones Soda!!! I have no idea if it's a national chain - if not, let me explain. Shop n' Save is like Walmart, except small, dirty, and generally worthless. The only thing that had me visiting SnS was the wonderfulness of Jones Soda. And now I'll have to burn the store down. No one fucks with my caffiene. They are gonna pay.
Okay... back to the happiness. There's always... umm.... aww fuck it. I'm jobless, penniless, and generally tired all day. I have a right to complain. I feel like burning K-Mart down! They make me fill out a job application and a 100+ questionnarie and refuse to return my calls. If you can't tell, I am shaking my fist in the air as I type. Maybe I can get a job at a gas station somewhere and piss in my enemy's gas tanks. Which is, of course, everyone.
OUT... of money.
"Panama! Panama! Panama!"
I'm leaving you today with this conversation I had with a Chinese man.
Me: "You!" Yu: "Me?" Me: "Yeah, you. Make me some Chinese food!" Yu: "We're in the middle of the street. I.. don't think I can make you food." Me: "Yes you can. You can do.. the thing with the knives and the big grill!" Yu: "What?! Just because I'm Chinese doesn't mean I can cook like that!" Me: "Sure it does!" Yu: "Really? And just because you are American, does that mean you can bomb my house?" Me: "Actually... I have the stuff for that in my trunk." *awkward silence* Yu: "Bastard."
December 4th, 2003 ----- My life is, and most likely will always be, incredibly idiotic. What book do I have to read for school? The Color Purple. For anyone unfamiliar with the book, thank your god(s) right now. This book is an uplifting tale of rape, incest, homosexuality, and abuse! Thats not all, it also has unhappy parts. This book is like shovling dead babies into a barge; it's that fucking depressing. The fact that this is considered a good book reveals why humanity can only last for another hundred years or so before being afraid of offending someone by breathing and then we all die. I don't care what race, sex, sexual preferance, or worshiper you are, if you're a jackass I'm going to insult you and then slap your parents for making you.
Also, to further destroy any shred of life enjoyment in me, I have to write boring essays about how the goverment is screwing anyone not extremely rich in the ass. Thats right, you are fucked right in the anus. The FCC Chairman Micheal Powell (Any relation to Colin Powell? Yes, but I'm SURE that had nothing to do with his appointment) is lifting safeguards that prevent all the big media conglomerits from controlling... just about everything we watch, read, or listen to. Let's all celebrate the mass brainwashing of America soon to come! Yippee! Really, I don't fucking care at this point. America has the bombs and with a super president like Mr. Bushwacker, anyone who even looks at us bad is turned into a large outdoor swimming pool (Unless they have oil. We'll mkae a new government then.).
What I really care about is robots. Why can't we read about THE robots? Robots with chainsaws for hands. And capes. Big red ones. And they are coming after US. Laugh now, but when the robots come to your house and slaughter your family in a big bloody, pulpy mess, don't say I didn't warn you. If the FCC can't successfully brainwash us into robots, they have robot replacements for us ALREADY set up. Remember how blind people are robots? (Look through my archived journal entries for futher information and protection tips!) That was just piliminary field testing. They'll come in the night and saw down your door, and then go after the family and eat your computers for fuel and personal records.
Do you think I'm lying?! You fool! Read the history books and see how I saved you from an even worse death. When you hear a book talk about the "Nazi War Machine", they are talking about a top secert Nazi project to put Hitler's brain into a robot!!! It would be called Hitler-Zoids (see where the anime ideas come from?), and it would have tank barrels for hands and jet packs for feet. Luckily, I have captured Hitler in my basement so he could never accomplish the feat. I keep Hitler in a cage and prod him with a stick, and feed him table scraps. I don't know any German, and seeing how I gave him a cat litter box instead of a functioning toliet, I believe he would kill me if let out.
OUT!.... Me, not Hitler.
"Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are hanging on the edge of your seat?"
November 17, 2003 ----- Scary Revelation: Satan just called me and told me that I was "a bit much". -----
Hi boys and girls! Forget about me? Never thought about me before? Aww... That makes me feel all warm and snuggly inside. Anywho, I'm bored. Someone find me something to do. Go and then come back. I'll wait.
You fucking liar, you didn't go anywhere. Well, if you know me, you probably know that I have a brand new obsession with He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. I like to call it "Overly Sexed HomoErotic FunTime Show", but that's just ME. If you disagree, you SURELY have not seen the show. My god, He-Man was in the artic and still was mainly shirtless. True, he had some blue half-coat thing on, but PLEASE! Your nipples would fall off. Its basic scientific fact. Now I am going to make fun of all the characters. I mean, I will shed light on my personal take on the show's diverse cast. Of idiots.
He-Man: Most homoerotic superhero ever made. Seriously folks, gay porn is one thing, but this is the envy of that industry. The guy walks about with no shirt on, which makes this writer think than he just wants to show off his manly, shaven pecks and grab enemies from behind for the shear pleasure of it. He-Man was quoted to have said "I have the power," shortly after this journal hit the presses.
Man-At-Arms: Pathetic anyone? Please, this guy's power is wearing heavy armor and shooting guns. Why not just call in the SWAT? If you ask me, it's because Man-At-Arms can make small trinkets that entertain at the dinner table, or just to take attention away from Teela's annoying mouth. Can't you shut that bitch up? No, not Prince Adam, but GOOD TRY.
The Sorceress: What the fuck? An American Indian? In Eternia? Suuuuure.
Orko: Here's an idea; Let's steal the black mage from FF1 and put him in a cartoon where he fucks up everything? Wait... already been done? Never mind.
Ram Man: Character concept - fat guy hits things with head. Hilarity ensues.
Stratos: Wow, a cross between Harvey Birdman and Sean Connery? AND he uses a jet pack from James Bond movies? One thought though: Why have a flying character when you CAN MAKE A DAMN PLANE. Skeletor just has like 20 of them, yet He-Man rides around on a tiger. Smart.
Man-E-Faces: Too bad all three faces suck. Right. Next character.
Mekanek: If you can't think of another hero to make, just rip off of Captain Fantastic. Wow, his super power is stretching his neck and having night vision goggles. When did the fucker get laid off from Toys-R-Us? It's still his best work.
Skeletor: Best villian ever. His face was melted off and somehow has laser pointers for eyes. Totally ripped too. He has kick ass sword skills, the only smart person on the show, and beats He-Man about like a man pinata. Only problem is that his servents totally suck.
Evil-Lyn: Evil-Lyn shows us time and time again that everyone on this show except her and Skeletor SUCK. She kicks tons off ass and usually falls vicitim to Beast Man falling on her. Seriously. Beast Man sucks.
Tri-Klops: Comes in for a far third best character. He has figgin' laser beams coming out of his face and can invent some shit that He Man usually destroys SOMEHOW. How can a sword deflect laser beams? Not likely.
Merman: Like Aquaman, he not only bites the big one, he digests it and then asks for more. Good God, what is the fascination with underwater people? Get some fucking SCUBA already.
Beast Man, Trap-Jaw, Whiplash, and Clawful SUCK.
That's about it for today. He-Man is a great show, and I'll probably be talking about it again next update. here's your assignment: watch the new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe show, and then come back.
OUT! "My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain IBM! So if you see acting strangely, don't be surprised."
Matrix 3 < EVERYTHING ELSE KNOWN TO MAN by Insane2757 (movies profile) Nov 9, 2003 2 of 2 people found this review helpful
Story: Yeah, Matrix 1 was great. Matrix 2 and 3 put people to sleep. I stared blankly for hours at the screen, and I haven't been able to comprehend the game of Tic-Tac-Toe since. It's THAT bad.
Acting: Keanu Reeves sucks. They should have replaced him with someone better, such as ANY OTHER PERSON. Hell, Carrot Top has more acting talent. I've at least seen Carrot Top do more than one face in his entire life. If Agent Smith didn't kick so much ass, this would be an F.
Direction: What's the matter? Run out of ideas? Here's a thought - don't make another *****ing movie then jackasses. I mean, the fight scenes were either from Matrix 1 or DRAGONBALL Z! "Now everyone can defy gravity!" It was one laser beam away from being anime.
Visuals: The Matrix has always been good on visuals.
Overall: What a *****ing disappointment. I waited for this movie, and while I thought it COULDN'T get worse than the second one, it did. If you didn't like the second one, just pretend that the Matrix exploded and don't both watching the third. View/Make
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Journal
Entry
October 26, 2003
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As a nation, the United States is hopeless. For instance, take a look at the FBI's top priorites. Number 10 is "Upgrade technology to successfully perform the FBI's mission". Hmmm... if you had a list of things to do, would you have "Actually being successful at accomplishing the list" at the bottom? What HAS the FBI been doing? Working its way down UNsuccessfully?
And whats all this terrorist shit? Only 2 times has the USA been attacked on it's own soil, Pearl Harbor and 9/11. This made it Priority #1? And so-called "significant violent crime' happens multiple times a year, but that makes it in at #8. We're doomed. There is hope though - I hear Canada is pretty nice.
America is still wonderful. I joke and kid, but let's face it - it's better than France. This is where I challenge the nation of France to a duel. Me vs. The French. Don't think I have a chance? PLEASE! The only time the French ever won anything, it was the French revolution - and they were fighting themselves, and had no other choice but to win. America may be hated, but the foreign people say "America is horrible" and then drink their Pepsi's, walk in their Nikes, and go eat in McDonald's. HA!
While I am lashing out at countries for no particular reason, what's the deal with Switzerland, anyhow? If they'd stop making fucking Swatches, they could probably make some kick ass weaponry.
No new news on the state of the Flash cartoon. I still have that paper strip, but I decided to hold that for a while.
My Current Mood: Do you CARE? :\
I am Listening To: The Sound of Children Crying, Volume 1
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Completely Unrandom Thought - So OSJB is dead. Wow! I didn't see this one coming! This one came from left field, or possibly a field beyond left field, maybe left center. All I want to say is that I got the least credit of all, and for that, I'm not all that devastated to see it go. I mean, when you are on the team, and another team member mentions your name in an interview and MISSPELLS IT, you know where you stand.
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I have to say that production of Super Robot Pirate Ninja has stopped for the moment. I have an issue here with me, and possibly this weekend it will appear, but this is the last one. Pictures are nice, sure, but making them in Flash with voice and horrible sound effects will be much better. Thus, this is what we will do. Well, that's the plan.
Jak II is fucking great. Penny Arcade said it, IGN said it, GameSpot.com said it, and now I'm saying it. If you like platformers or shooting things, this game is made for you. Not exactly for you, but it still feels like they know you somehow. I'm thinking spy cameras. At hand, I have not found anything to prove this theory, but I'm looking. Back to the matter at hand, though, GameSpy, the stupidest gaming website on the face of this Earth, did not. This makes me angry. At this point, a Hulk joke would be nice, but it cheapens the effect.
October 9th, 2003
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"No Really! It's True!" - If you watch Wheel of Fortune backwards, it will show you Satanic messages and commands. But only on the new "Prize Puzzles". You want to know where you won a trip to? To Hell!
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Sorry, the Super Robot Pirate Ninja comic is extremely late. I've been sick and busy. Those are lousy combinations to have. And here it is! This one is very strange, and I didn't get it either. Don't complain to me you bastards.
Anywho, I have decided to write a short children's book called "The Little Engine That Couldn't". I believe that the book "The Little Engine That Could" is a blastphemous book, teaching children that they CAN succeed, when we all know that they will end up working in a place which is the equivalent of a bucket of piss to drown rats in. This being McDonald's or WalMart. This book will teach children about REAL life, the one where you slave for 50 years before you become too old and senile to work and you rot in an old folks home for the rest of your days. Depressing? Probably. Filled with hilarity? Hell yes.
Something that depresses me is J-Lo. Not her songs, particularly. Her movies? No. Just her whole life. Its a huge blotch on society as a whole. I was watching VH1, as I normally do when I realize that I have not been brainwashed enough by pop culture, and they had a show called "The Fabulous Life of...". This shows main premise shows you how if you slut your image around and sell your soul to corporate America, you make millions of dollars. It also shows you how bad your life really, really sucks ass.
But anyways, this episode was on the Fabulous Life of J-Lo! Hurray! Of course, since J-Lo is a pop culture God of sorts, this was a show praising her! They might have called the show "I Love J-Lo!", or perhaps "We're brownnosing so much I can see her lower intestine!" At the end of the drawn out torture and parade of stupidity, they showed how much she gives back to the community. I believe a quote was something like "... and she even gives thousands of dollars to then victims of 9-11." Thousands of dollars? That sounds nice. Remember the number "$5,000". Lets even say "$25,000", OR "$50,000". Just to give her a good light. At the very end, they show how much she makes per year, or something to that effect. Tens of millions of dollars. That number would be about "$30,000,000". Lets compare.
"$50,000".
"$30,000,000".
Miss that? Here it is again.
"$50,000".
"$30,000,000".
For the love of God, how generous! She donated %0.17 of her annual income towards charity! Did I meantion to forget that she spent money on 3 cars, all around $30,000 a piece? Thats $90,000, plus the money she spent of 3 houses. Now, I can't remember the exact amounts of these house prices, but I know they are all over 1 million. So lets just say 3 million for all 3 houses. Thats $3,090,000 on houses and cars. Now lets compare.
$50,000 to charity.
$3,090,000 to sports cars and mansions. (%10.3 of annual income.)
What a great person indeed. Good tip note: The highest prize in the bonus round of Wheel of Fortune is $100,000.
OUT!
"I'm still.. I'm still Jenny from the block" *cough* LIAR *cough* View/Make
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Journal
Entry
October 05, 2003 ----- Letter of the Day: "x" - Use more of the letter 'x' in YOUR daily conversation! Hurray! -----
GRR! Anger! Look, a college English paper is not meant to be fuzzy. It is NOT meant to be beautiful, cuddly, lovey dovey MUSH. For my English class, one for the college of Pittsburgh, I had to write a personal story on a place I enjoy.
First off, that's a bullshit assignment. Personal story? Listen - I don't care about you. If you have a personal story, I don't want to hear it. In fact, if you DO begin to tell one, I will walk away. If other people say they care, they don't. Its a charade, your life is, in fact, completely meaningless. Nevertheless, this is the assignment and that's what I had to do. 4 pages of total junk. A complete waste of time, energy, and I believe for THIS I should get a great grade.
C+. That's the grade I got. A huge C plus. Want to know why perhaps? Not personal enough. This is the time where my head exploded and aliens popped out of my chest for no particular reason. My limbs tore away from my torso and lived a life in Calcutta for a while. That is how angry I felt. After a while, my teacher decided I deserved a better grade. So I got a B-.
WOO FREAKIN' DOO. The grade on that test when up maybe a whole 1 point!!!! Break out the fucking party favors and the keg! I'm doing the happy dance NOW! I mean, 48 out of 60 was okay, but 49?! I am so overfilled with joy I need new underpants!
And now, in accordance to her suggestions, I have changed my 4 page essay. In places where I originally implanted symbolism, there is now obvious, meaningless dribble. Where I had general, nonspecific items (so that the reader can more easily imagine the setting), there is definite junk that you either know or get confused by. This is no longer a college essay. This is a selection from a book written by a 9 year old girl entitled "My Diary". This is not an University of Pittsburgh essay. No, this is a dated entry from a book covered in rainbows, flowers, and unicorns. Hurray for higher education.
Hurray for the internet. It has brought a great many things. Most of which was to deliver free pornography to any internet-connected computer in the world. Any service that can do that AND be legal, is a service I am proud of. Internet, I salute you!
Anyways, I am sick again. Not that you care. You never do! I pour my heart, soul, and parts of my bowels into this journal and I don't get any appriciation! Or something. Of course, I have no idea what i am talking about, but it sounded good. I could be the next Che, or perhaps the President of your local Chess club. And I assure you this - I will rule with an iron fist. Castling be DAMNED.
Oh, by the way, check out http://irc.htmod.com/ (or irc.htmod.com #htnet if you have an IRC Client like mIRC). I'm usually there wasting time, and I am building an IRC Bot, which rocks. Of course, it is controlled completely by Awesome Child Labor. It is the best kind of Awesome Labor out there!
OUT!
"and I've made up my mind.... I ain't wasting no more time..."
September 22, 2003 ----- Random Thought: Mondays do not suck. If you didn't have to work, Monday would be rather enjoyable. Firdays, on the other hand, would be so-so. ----- It's Monday. We need something weekly for here. THUS, I introduce you to "Super Robot Pirate Ninja from the Future!!!". It should be a weekly event of strips, providing I get the cartoonist (Ben Matlock) motivated enough. I have two already. So, without futher ado and such, here it is:
That's all for today. BTW, http://www.EditingArchive.com, THIS hosting website, has implemented a journal rating service thing. So while you are searching through internet porn, remember to click my journal as well, so I can gloat over all the other underachievers.
September 21, 2003 ----- Flash Game of the Friggin' Day: http://ebaumsworld.com/castle.html ... As for other things on that website, I can't recommend. They are too stupid. ----- I think I'll have to post the first "Super Robot Pirate Ninja from the Future!!!" soon... The first strip, which is done on notebook paper, was drawn by a good friend of mine named Ben Matlock. I gave him the concept and he went with it. I'll see if I can't get it scanned and the next strip to you guys (hopefully without notebook paper lines). SRPN should be a big hit with you guys and girls. I say that because I have no idea what my demographic here is. Probably one nerd and a couple highly intellegent plants.
Wal-Mart security has to be the smartest system ever devised or the most lacking force in the universe. I went into the local Wal-Mart with a Wal-Mart plastic bag full of clothes - shirt, shoes, and pants. I walked into their bathroom, making sure to walk slowly as so there is NO POSSIBLE way for them not to see me. I changed, and came back out and walked out. Nothing happened. (This is all my stuff. Stealing stuff from Wal-Mart is fruitless, there is nothing good.) I plan to smuggle out their entire McDonald's tomorrow.
OUT!
"Out on the streets... that's where we'll meet..."
September 18, 2003 ----- Random Thought: Some people say I have wisdom. I find this sad. I can't recall that I have ever said anything that could rival the back of any Snapple Cap. ----- I realize I have to give back to the community. I will tell you the secret of my success. Caffeine, video games, cartoons, and slacking. If you give me an accomplishment of any person, it'll lead to one of those things. Unless that person lived before the first three were devised. Then it may be something closely related. I'm not sure. I haven't finished my time machine yet to test this theory.
Anywho, you may doubt this. This is because you are ignorant. Ignorant pigs. I am forced to give you examples of famous people and why they are famous according to those 4 things. Ready? GO! Wait, you weren't ready? Damn it, I only had one bullet for this starting pistol...
Christopher Columbus: Slacker! That's right, good ole Chris didn't bother to learn that the Earth was flat, and he'd die a completely horrific death. Instead, he slacked with friends and smoked opium. (Opium was the equivalent of caffeine in those days, so this proves my point even more.) During one of these rounds of slacking, he thought he could fly and seen that the Earth was round. In all actuality, he was face down in a stand of blueberries. And thats how the Europeans came and enslaved and slaughtered all of the Western Hemisphere. This shows why we have Columbus Day in the first place.
Ghengis Khan: LOVED Ren & Stimpy. Some people would see this statement and say that this show, or, in fact, any shows did not exist at this time - this is partly true. Studies suggest that the Ren & Stimpy "K-Dogg" watched where actually drawn on rock and thrown rapidly at fast speeds. Interesting stuff.
Neil Armstrong: Fairly obvious that Neil was addicted to Space Invaders, Asteriods, Tempest, and... Frogger. Don't ask me about that last one. Of course, after landing on the moon and not encountering any of what those 4 games had to offer, he shot the other two he arrived there with and is still living on the moon to this day. Reports also say he has painted his ship green and made it triangle shaped.
There you have it. Three amazing people that accomplished goals using those 4 things I have mentioned above. If you follow a vigorous course of a pop-chugging, console-playing, violent-cartoon watching, slackerdom life, you just may become as great as us. Hurray for modern science and blogging.
OUT!
"You know where you are? You in the jungle baby! You gonna die!"
September 15, 2003 ----- Thought: The countries in the world are basically mud patties in the middle of a huge pond that a frog has squatted apon. That is until someone throws a rock at it. Then it runs away into the pond. Oooo! Then you can use a blender and... umm... okay. You find the moral message there, I lost my train of thought. ----- The world is all good as long as you can vent your anger. That's one life lesson you must learn before your head explodes. Seriously, your head WILL explode. I've seen it happen. Fucking mess. Blood, bone, and gray matter everywhere. Anywho, I suggest violence against nature. It's simple really. These are EASY, SIMPLE steps. I keep these easy and simple because of your sake. I know you all get confused when I use words more than 3 syllables long.
Get a club or bat. Aluminum baseball bats are great, and wooden ax handles are good too. If the handle still has the axe attached, you get bonus points but minus one arm.
Walk through the forest. Find a tree that thinks its shit is tight. Beat the fuck out of it.
Find rocks and hurl them at squirrels. Squirrels are lazy shits that eat nuts all day. That makes me angry just thinking about it.
If you find an animal bigger than you, walk away. Unless its a gigantic Twinkybogger. They NEED to die.
Yes, I said Twinkybogger. Fueling your anger. Try these other words: Work. School. Rancid Cheese. Republicans.
With these easy steps, you can vent your anger and not kill postal workers. You also destroy small parts of the Earth. If we all work together, we can live in a happy world. A blissful world were we never have to work and chipmunks are all extinct.
Ugh, autumn is here. Some aspects of it I like. The sun, in it's complete arrogance and uppity bastardness, is blotched out of the sky. Why do I say this? Every time the Sun is viewed, its above you. Or it's much brighter than you. It gives life to small plants and fills people with hope.... blah, blah, blah... asshole. I hate the Sun. Anywho, that's about the only good thing.
The bad things are abundant. Allergies rape your head and leave your nose dripping. Wet leaves EVERYWHERE. Rain. Wet grass all day long. Genegreen. Horrible shit, all of it. I could do without it. In fact, I could do without spring too. What the hell is with spring? Rain? Sun? Flowers? Bullshit! The only good seasons are Summer and Winter. In summer there are wet t-shirt contests and swimming pools. Winter covers the Earth with snow and asswipes get into wrecks for going too fast on icy roads. Ahhh... why can't we jut have two seasons? Maybe it's the whole thing with Earth rotation and such.
The only solution? Blast the Earth farther into space. That's right. We'll get about five rockets, place them into the ground, and launch the Earth to the next galaxy. Sure, it'll be plenty cold for thousands of years while we travel to the next star. How will we survive? Become horribly fat. Think of never having to hear Britney Spear's shit ever again because her left ass check is bigger than a U-Haul can handle.
OUT!
"No one remembers your name when you're strange." - I like the Doors, but sorry, utter bullshit. And I happen to like wicked women. You know what? I got a better quote. "They say I'm crazy, but I have a good time."
September 14, 2003 ----- Random Thought: Most people are only thought of smart simply because they are surrounded by dumbasses. I am not smart. I am the elite of the moderately intellegent.
To add apon this, what is "smart" but another word for the phrase "knows too damn much"? The capital of Thailand is unimportant. How to survive downtown LA at midnight is something I'd much rather know. ----- I am back. Possibly. Not sure. Either way, I am writing today. I don't know if anyone noticed (or in fact, gave a fuck), but I have been putting song quotes at the bottom of each entry. Go ahead and comment! Prove that you know more about usless music trivia than other people! Remember what I always say, "If you have talent, use it to smite others who don't!" Thats why God gave them to you!
The RIAA is full of assholes. How can you blame file-sharing for a slump in CD sales? Perhaps if some actual talented 'musicians' (and this term I use loosely, such as the skin on your grandmother's underarms) were to produce CD's worth buying, we wouldn't have to risk virus infection to download select .mp3's. Not that .mp3s which are viruses ("Wow, an Iron Madien .mp3 with only 43KB!") are particularly hard to spot. But thats not the biggest shit I have about downloading .mp3s. Now, fake songs are being thrown about on P2P services. How can we stop this? Easily. I will share my profound knowledge. Sort by Number of Users and Size! The more people that have a copy of the .mp3, the more likely it is a good, or working at the least .mp3. Also, if the song is long and the size is abnormally low, such as 100KB, DON'T download it! Use logic people.
What about this "Clean Slate" program (http://www.publicknowledge.org/issues/amnesty-or-shamnesty.html)? Bullshit. That would be like Osama bin Laden going to the Pentagon and saying "Yeah, I did that. SORRY!" I'm sure we'd forgive him. "Aww, since you admitted it, I guess it's okay. Just don't slaughter thousands of people ever again." Hell no. We would kill him. Probably televise it. Pay-per-view.
Anyway, I'll complain about that some other time. I'm sick of people playing violent video games and then acting them out. I'm sorry to say this, but if parents can't get their damn act together, I think we should follow the ESRB ratings to a tee. Mature games go to mature people, kids don't get 13+ rated games, and so on. If we don't our freedoms of mindlessly blowing away virtual nazis in mid-1900 Germany will be threatened! We can't have this.
August 7, 2003 ----- Thought: August is the shittest month. Not only does it bring school, but it means Autumn is coming, and Autumn is like Nature's retarded child no one talks about. For God's sake, even trees pretend to be death just so they don't have to put up with Autumn's shit. It rains and it's humid where I live. Then there is fucking wet leaves everwhere and you fall on your ass. I hate August. -----
I need happy pills. I need a stack of them. A stack about as tall as me, with big fucking smiley faces on them. Then I want them assorted by color, and THEN I want a huge glass of water to drink them all with. In a dirty glass too. I want to have Jimi Hendrix in my head and I want to hear some Voodoo Chile and Wild Thing.
I've been stressed out lately. Its been over mostly trivial shit, but it's shit none the less. 56k is Satan's child and my ISP certainly is Satan himself. The two of them together combine to make an Information Highway Antichrist of some sort with laser beams for eyes and Emmanuel Lewis at the helm of the beast. They attack my computer with great haste and make my computer Hell. Don't think for a second that I am exaggerating either. I woke up today like I normally do, which is to say very late and extremely pissed off. I came downstairs and got on my computer after I removed the goat head from my chair and wiped the pig's blood off my monitor.
All depressing things aside, I have nothing. So.... know what? I could keep typing like this. God knows I have writer's block anymore and I can't write worth a shit. Oh God knows this. He calls me up and laughs at me all the time. I *69ed him once and a bush in the corner light aflame all of a sudden (up until this time I was completely unaware of plant life in my living room).
June 23, 2003 ----- Notice: The Awesome RPG Demo may not be here like I said. It may be late July, or possibly early August. It seems I need to actually have to produce some images myself for it, so that will take a bit. -----
Nothing really to say today. Lately, I've had writer's block. I get half ideas, then the computer slaps me with it again. it's horrible. I haven't been creative is days. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Soon my demo will be released onto the work. After it kicks your computer's ass and steals your money, I will buy a super computer and destroy all other blogs out there with it's nuclear missile attachment.
Tell me, why would you buy a computer WITHOUT a weapon attachment? It makes no sense. When I get a laptop, when I hit the Enter key 3 times, knifes will shoot from the floppy disk drive and kill any person in my way. It's true. I've seen this happen many times. In fact, I was walking down the street yesterday and some drunk shot me with a laser from his PDA. I beat the piss out of him and took his vodka for good measure.
Wow, I haven't updated in a while. I have had to upgrade to a new PC so its a bit awkward. It's great because I can finally do more than word process on a home computer.
I'm gonna be missing some updates for a bit. I have to work and do mindless things and I fear I might not have time to do stuff like this. The Awesome RPG demo should come out soon. And with that coming along, I think you can give me SOME time. I'll update maybe 4 or 5 times a week, instead of the 6 I normally did. I know you are so sad. You're not? Fuck off then.
July 14, 2003 ----- Random Thought: Location - A wide canyon. Cast - A hero and villain at opposite sides.
Hero: Ah ha! I have tracked you here! Villain: You have come to the end of your life, hero! I will doom you to an early grave! Hero: What? I can't hear you! Villain: What? Hero: YOU HAVE TO SPEAK LOUDER! Villain: I SAID, "I WILL DOOM YOU TO AN EARLY GRAVE!" Hero: DAVID SPADE? Villain: NO! EARLY GRAVE! Hero: Ohhhhhh..... Villain: WHAT? Hero: I SAID, "OHHHHHHHHHH!" Villain: SHOULD WE FIGHT NOW? Hero: NO, SHE'S OKAY! WHAT ABOUT YOURS? Villain: WHAT DID YOU CALL MY MOTHER? -----
I've hit a big pothole in my RPG. I finally have some sort of story line. The thing is, I need a chipset for my minidungeon. (Chipsets are basically a group of items and pieces of floor that you build your whole map with.) I'll have to improvise. The date at which i have to release my demo is coming up so damn fast. I'll have to break from destroying TFC people and work harder on getting this thing together.
I guess I'm mini-golfing today. I've been to bad mini-golf parks, and I've been to goo... no, just bad ones. I've been to ones that have ramps leading to the pond, and, after you logically wonder off that ramp, then you have to pay for another golf ball. I believe we stole the balls afterwards. If the clubs were smaller, I'm sure we'd steal them too.
I want to go to the movies. The thing about the movies is that they want to take your money. All of it. These people are greedy bastards. Their business consists of making you pay $5 to sit in a chair and stare at a screen for 3 hours, then you leave. Of course, they make you pay $3 for a watered down cola that it costs them $0.50 to make. Popcorn comes in boxes at the store for $3, but you pay that for a single bag there, not to mention butter is extra. These people are geniuses.
I'm tired. PFFT! No Strong Bad email? It's time to light something on fire.
July 12, 2003
*Normally Saturday updates are illegal in this journal, but the Supreme Court has let me update since I missed too many entires.*
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Random Thought:
Aquaman is the worst superhero EVER. Think about it... if he can't take it himself (with puny strength and 'water balls' on his side), he calls on his sidekicks - a seal and a 13 year old boy. Since they are totally shit, he gets fish to help him. Fish. Right. This is the ultimate way to defeat Aquaman - stay out of the fucking water.
-----
I am going to be rich. Filthy rich. How do you ask? I am going to invent the product that will save people's asses everywhere... literally. Imagine this: you are outside cutting grass in 100 F heat in direct sunlight. You have been mowing for hours. You stop to take a break and you notice something. Your underpants are drenched with sweat! Why? Its because your ass sweats in heat. It's just a fact. And what would make that stop? What would make your ass drier and your whole body cooler? Air conditioning! But how? Air conditioners are heavy and can't be hooked up to lawn mowers. What if you could WEAR ONE? That's right! Air Conditioner Underwear! If you wear a small backpack to put the Freon in and pay $50, you too can feel the cool, dry breeze flow through your lower quarters.
Now tell me YOU DON'T want a pair of those. I'm sure they'll come with neons and a radio tuner so you can pimp them out rightfully.
I've been working on Awesome RPG a lot. A lot of issues have been solved and things. Thats about all the news. Umm... yeah.
Linux. Theres a name that sounds like a bounty hunter from outer space. Linux the Deep Space Hunter. I mean, come now. Linux could have his own adventures with Unix, his sidekick, and Atari, his dog. He could save young maidens from the evil grasp of Dr. Lindows, his archenemy.
I'm done for today. There was no need for the geek humor, and I brought it out. Sorry.
July 11, 2003
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Random Thought:
If you think your pet is dumb, think again -- it gets free room and board and sleeps all day. It does practically no work and you wait on it hand and foot. And to top it all off, it'll take a shit on your rug and lick it's genitals in front of your grandma.
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http://www.gamespot.com/all/news/news_6029614.html
Okay, normally I don't post news and such -- but this is priceless. Take a look at this quote:
"Does it cover plain clothes police, does it cover corrupt police, does it cover a Gestapo agent, a futuristic policeman, or even a game where police cars crash when players throw bananas at them?" said Douglas Lowenstein, president of the IDSA.
Ah. The coveted Grand Theft Banana game. Many a day and night were spent trying to blow up police cars with apple uzis, banana grenades, and cherry bombs, while avoiding them in the Weeniemobile.
Actually.... I'd probably play that. While on the subject of bananas and video games, I have a confession. I feel a need to actually rent and play Ape Escape 2. If you haven't heard of these games.. you are an idiot. But the premise is this: You run around trying to catch monkeys. With hats. The hats of lights on them.
Why has God made me feel these feelings? This should be the game I hate, the one I find copies of and burn... yet every time I pass it in the video store... *sigh*. I am fighting many personal demons here.
It is coming close to mid-July, in which I have to upload the last public demo of my Awesome RPG game. I have decided to stop releasing public demos since there will be quite enough for a DEMO in this one. I hope it goes over well. I only seen like ONE person other than EditingArchive's owner (Sim9) interested. I'll still release it... then I'll spam it everywhere because I'm an asshole. *cough* www.osjb.com *cough* www.devjournals.com *cough* mynamehere.fateback.com *cough*
Okay... you explain this. Try http://www.FuckYouAll.com . Its a link to the "Internet Friends Network". Either these people are very angry friends or they want to be more friendly than I'd care to find over the internet.
I'm off to play violent video games. If I'm lucky, it'll brainwash me, and I'll take some rifles to a public place. I don't know though. I tried using these guns, but they wouldn't fire when I clicked my mouse.
July 1, 2003
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I didn't know it was the first of July. They should invent something... that tells what the date is? Possibly have months on it.
-----
I have a new cat. It destroys things. It jumps about clawing random shit and even scares me. ...that's about all the time I'm devoting to that subject.
This journal is going to be short and to the point. People today are stupid. Usually other people say this and have no proof. I, in fact, have proof I would love to share with you.
* I was at a pool today. I stopped to read their rules. It is quite funny how they can have various rules against running, "horseplay", illegal diving... but not a single one against releaving yourself in the pool. They also had changing rooms with no doors and showers with no knobs with which to turn them on. In fact, they has 30 min "adult swims" in which a total of 2 people swam. For thirty minutes, fifty people waiting for two.
* The Anna Nicole Show had a second season. Someone was actually watching it.
* http://www.paulyshore.com
* The show "Survivor". You watch the first season - fresh and new. You kinda watched the second season - not as new, but still somewhat entertaining. You heard some talk about the thrid season. The fourth season? Was there even one? Yes. I will stop here. My eyes are bleeding.
* FOX cancels Futurama and Family Guy... I mean, what the fuck are these people thinking?
* Antartica has 27 heliports. Mexico has 2. Antartica has a poulation of about zero. Mexico has a population of roughly 103,400,200.
* You are reading this journal RIGHT NOW.
I have more proof, but I'll let that seep into your brain.
It's getting late... Family Guy is coming on... eh.
June 30, 2003
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Where have I gone? Why am I missing entries? Pfft. You don't care. I ask these questions to myself to keep my multiple personalities busy.
GTAForums.com removed their IRC applets to my IRC website today. Instead, they chose to give it to regular forum dipshits. See, the team I work with have been running their IRC for about a year now. Myself, I have had 3 years of IRC experience. I know what I am doing.
So, I go to visit their. An op refuses to set the limits higher so somepeople can join. He says it sets limits automatically. This is true. But it wasn't working. THEN someone argues with me what the limit is. It was 21. People knew it was 21. People had proof it was 21. The limit was.... 21. I guess everyone was wrong when he clearly said it was 37 and banned me for disagreement.
Well, for the sake of nothing else important going on today... BOOM!
(Insane2757) hey maj|working
(+zioxide) um
(+zioxide) its 21
(Insane2757) Try looking at the info asswipe
(Insane2757) its 21
(@maj|working) it's 37
(+zioxide) #gtaforums +tnl 21
(@maj|working) i looked
(Insane2757) thats what +l 21 means
(@WidowMaker) Watch your mouth.
(+zioxide) type /mode #gta
(+Blazin`out) Lol
(+zioxide) err
(+zioxide) #gtaforums
(+zioxide) refreshs the modes
* Insane2757 hits head with hammer to have the IQ of maj|working
(+zioxide) :)
(@maj|working) :|
(Insane2757) Dang! Its not working! I have to hit harder
(@maj|working) i have low idiot tolerance
(@maj|working) !tb Insane2757 10min
June 26, 2003
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Today I found some people that didn't agree with my FPS veiws. Instead of argue with their flawed opinions, I'll just say that any FPS that "has a focus on realism and team-based action" will crash and burn. 98% of people who play online games will play as a lone gunner. The other 2% go onto forums and complain about other players. Thus, this last group of people will die hungary and alone.
Today, I have a special treat for you. Most people say all blogs suck. I beg to differ. Mine doesn't. So that's why I am going to compare very sterotypical biased veiws of OTHER blogs, and compare them to mine.
DARE TO COMPARE!
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Blond Teenage Cheerleader Blog:
"Like, OMG!!!111 I was at the mall with my daddy's credit card, and I saw Denise! She is, like, such a tramp!"
Mine:
"I was at the mall. Some cheerleader was talking to her friends too loudly, so I kicked her in the chest. Her children will most likely have dents in their foreheads."
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Goth's Journal:
"Today I sat in a corner and thought about death and cried. I also wrote this poem..."
Mine:
"Poetry Sucks. Case in Point: I dug up Robert Frost and pistol whipped him in the face."
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Preppy Blog:
"I scored two touchdowns today! I am SO COOL! I am going to join the NFL!"
Mine:
"I seen a quarterback from my high school. He's wearing a school coat, he's 32, and he manages my local McDonalds."
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Geek Blog:
"Today I bought my new PC! It has..." blah blah blah "! It r0ckz0rs. I pwn everyone in Counter-Strike!"
Mine:
"I am going to kick your ass so hard, you are going to be able to see your colon everytime you brush your teeth."
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Armed Forces Blog:
"I shot six people today."
Mine:
"I shot six people today."
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Band Blog:
"We made a new single today. Its about how the man keeps us down and big spiky green hair. Punk forever!"
Mine:
"Punk Music sucks. Its not even worth the time to download it from KaZaA. Cut your hair and get jobs. Jackasses."
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There was going to be more, but really, most can be summed with www.LiveJournal.com . In fact, since thats such a great idea, I will click Random 5 times and find good quotes for you people to see. (Notice I won't put the usernames up since these people are sad enough already) Ready? Go!
#1: "Some people that I don't want reading my journal... are reading it- so I have chosen to make it friends only"
This is the dumbest bitch I have seen. (We have 4 more to go, so I'm not saying EVER.) I love that she put a journal on a site with the front page quote 'Let the world know the story of your life' and now complains people are reading it.
#2: This one was worse. I scrolled past double posts and poems, and I came up with this:
"I'm going to the gym after mum comes home, i can't be fucked walking in the rain and stuff. "
I've heard of typos before. I've heard of wrong words put in places before. But this?! You tell ME whats going on.
#3: This person I could have SWORE was a man from her picture of her face she posted. I was sooo wrong. Here is a quote about how her lesbian friend left the apartment without paying rent:
"Talking to her mom, we found out exactly what is wrong with Korey - which I probably shouldn't say on livejournal, but now everything makes sense... so... talk about fucking drama. And it sucks because I really thought Korey was my friend, yet she manipulated us since the very beginning to get what she needed."
Oh no! So now we find that our players are lesbians, AND one has a mental disease? What's better is how our little blogger still blames her life partner. I love how life gives us happy endings.
#4: This was in the Armed Forces:
"chung) tried to talk to me today, tied to insinuate that i was gay because i did not get any whores. i did not like that. so i reminded him that last year his short time girlfriend (hired whore) turned out to be a man"
Fucking hilarious. I am proud this person is guarding our lives. Chang, on the other hand, is a dumbass.
#5: " when i get better i really want chocolate milk.
and she gave me the new harry potter book tooooo which she ordered for my birthday 4 months ago!!
she is the best "
If my friend would give me a Harry Pothead book for my birthday, I'd kick their ass. What's this? The only thing worse than that would be an animal: "Here's something you have to constantly feed and it will constantly shit and piss. Congratulations."
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010010010110011000100000011110010110111101110101001000000111
010001110010011000010110111001110011011011000110000101110100
011001010110010000100000011101000110100001101001011100110010
110000100000010010010010011101101101001000000110000101100110
011100100110100101100001011001000010000001101001011101000010
000001110111011000010111001100100000011000010010000001110111
011000010111001101110100011001010010000001101111011001100010
000001110100011010010110110101100101001011100010000000100000
010011000110111101110011011001010111001000101110
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une 23-25, 2003
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Campfire Highlights:
*Day 1:
-We find out there can be no fire. A small woodland elf is sacrificed.
-I play some game called cubs. I convince people on the other team that I have "ancient Indian powers". I actually win.
-I play bocci. Using the power of the God of Italian Sports, my friend's ball is so greasy I win.
-I play croquet. Several people go to hospital for mallet-related incidents.
-I play some Half-Life mods. Realizing quickly that CounterStrike is a horrible game, I switch to Tour of Duty. That I will get to later. On TFC, I LAN with a couple of friends and destroy everyone.
*Day 2:
-I stay up all night. People sleep.
-7 AM: I play bocci again. I win again. Finding that I actually excel at a sport, Satan calls and complains of coldness.
-People wake up finding their tongues strangely replaced with sausage.
-I go home and sleep the rest of that day.
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That was the last two days. This brings be to an interesting discussion. Counter-Strike sucks. I don't care what you think. If you want realism, its this: if you were actually in a fight, you would piss your pants and the recoil on that AK-47 would most likely cause you to shoot yourself in the foot.
Imagine for a moment if TFC somehow got CS drunk, rented a room at Motel 6, and knocked it up. Tour of Duty is the result of that night after dropping that said result down the stairs on it's head. You have realistic weapons AND they are assigned to classes. Now, you might ask me, "Why are you being so tough of the mod then?" Well, I didn't get to the graphics.
One team plays as Charlies (aka Vietnamese), while the other plays as US Marines. This is what I got, since the models are basically the same. It boils down to thus: The first plays as a soldier with a hat on with long blades of grass strapped to it. The US plays as a soldier with a hat on WITHOUT long blades of grass strapped to it. Yay?
Thus we get down to why TFC is a great mod. You have classes. Some can run fast and have shitty weapons. Some run slow and carry "Guess where I'm gonna put a new hole in you" weapons. One team is a bright red, while the other is a pleasing blue. There is no mix up here. If you see a color that isn't your teammate's color, you blow it the fuck away. Simple premise. Sure, sometimes you capture things, but no one actually does that, except losers and showboats.
I know this is not the popular opinion. No, in fact its most likely the unpopular opinion. But its the correct one. Unless you are in the Armed Forces right now, your different opinion is hereby nullified.
That, and the movie Clerks is good. If you don't like it, you will be alone. Forever. And someone will surely find you and decapitate you without warning. A rock opera may or may not be playing in the background.
I should end this journal entry right here, but I can't. I was watching MTV2 today. MTV in the first place is the dumbest idea ever. I swear the station has the word "Music" somewhere in it's title, but all I see is reality shows and rap/hip-hop. And we all know rap/hip-hop is not music. Its crap. But we are sidestepping the main issue.
MTV2 has at least 50% more music somewhere. But it disgusts me. I can't watch most of the music. So, VH1 (and it's second station, which I can't think of it's name) usually saves the day. I have to admit a couple of things about VH1:
1) I actually watch some shows on VH1.
2) If VH1 and MTV had pistols and were to gunfight, I believe VH1 would lose just for the fact it would be too blinded by the horrible "jewelry", ugly clicks, and bad teeth to be able to shoot straight.
So anyways, VH1 has a show called "Rock Fest". One day I watched it, and it wasn't bad. Today I watched it. It had a Ted Nugent song, then Eric Clapton, then some artists I didn't know the name of and their music scared me away. Ted Nugent is an ugly man, and a worse singer. Eric Clapton is legendary but some how followed up Nugent with a WORSE song. Lastly, some 80's band came on, jumped out of my TV, and bit off my ears with rusty, metal teeth.
There was only one other place to go. Quickly, I fought back the long hair and piano ties and flipped to the location I was sure to be safe: Cartoon Network. Sadly, I was mistaken. Slowly, but surely, the anime from Japan is seeping into our culture and this can only explain what I saw.
Hamtaro.
I wept. A horrible anime show about hamsters.
After I had boiled my eyeballs, I am writing this uniquely long journal entry today. Thank god I am still alive. If you have read this far, you most likely will not read another of my journal entries. For this, I thank you.
June 22, 2003
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There will be something here. One day.
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[20:46] or something.... or I WAS REPLACED BY THE ROBOTS! MUST DESTROY INSANE! BEEP!
I have proof. People doubt robots are after me. I show Exhibit A. Exhibit B is an actual robot I found outside. When I push a button on it's chest, small dogs shatter.
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Anywho, I am going to a campfire on Monday. I will pass out there. On Tuesday, I shall return. I don't know the status of the journal updates. I doubt people care. In any event, you'll just find out tomorrow. Until then, http://maddox.xmission.com . Visit there. He is correct.
This campfire should be fun. My friend has an adopted brother who has Tourette's syndrome. The first time I met this kid, he said "You look like a pig!". Yea, Duece Bigalow all the way. This kid loves me for 5 minutes, hates me for a half an hour. Strange. Just the kind of kid you'd like to gobble up. Not because he's cute. Just because you'd be rid of him and he looks like he would be good with tobasco sauce.
I have very sad news. It turns out the neon green tape I was promised is actually neon green fabric in a roll. This makes me angry. I would make a joke about the Hulk, but seeing how he kicks so much ass, I digress.
EA has updated their journals. It can be skinned now. Of course, Sim9 hasn't implemented this yet, so we'll have to wait. I'll make a skin. It will be awesome. People will rejoice. We'll drop the bomb on Brazil. Pizza will be free. Sound good? I thought so!
Hmm... this journal entry has been lacking. I mean, it hasn't been actually saying anything of importantance. Its almost like some blog some 13 year old is writing. I don't give a shit about what you ate for lunch. If you post pictures of your naked super model girlfriend, I'll read. Simple as that. You bloggers need to get stuff straight.
So, maybe tomorrow's update will be better. It could get worse. I mean, I could be telling you how I mowed the lawn today. And I could omit how many animals I hit during this event. *shudder*
I have no more spam. I ate it's first born. They dare not send me anything else.
BLIND PEOPLE ARE ROBOTS!
- Don't believe me? Do you know a blind person? Have you talked to a blind person? No? That's because they are government robots. STILL don't believe me? Why do you think they have dogs? Do you actually believe they can teach an animal who licks its own genitals all day to keep people out of traffic? Please. Its a mobile rocket launcher.
I am making the world's largest tape ball. Most people ask 'Why?'. Since the people who read my journal ride the short bus as it is, I'll just answer it as if you didn't just ask for peanut butter. More and more as the world pisses me off, I am going to waste it. Slowly but surely, I am collecting the worlds resources into a huge ball which will undoubtedly get in the world's records book. They will waste ink printing it. They will make flyers, destroying countless trees. Then, I will roll it into Pittsburgh and destroy several buildings. Afterwards, when WW3 will start in about 5 years, we will drop it on Denmark, and destroy most of Europe. The dust will rise, block out the sun, Canadians will rule the Earth and the next Ice Age will kill everything. In this way, I will destroy the Earth.
Until then, I will have to show pictures of my tape ball, and figure out how to post pictures here. Yippee. I'm sure you are all excited. No, I am sure. Don't argue with me. You are sooooo not in my book "No, It's MY STRUGGLE".
"Dont Be Scared Are you afraid of your mailbox? Mon 04/14" - Yes! Sometimes, I wake up during the night, and I hear it growling outside...
"Alice Ward Who should rebuild iraq? Tue 04/15" - Walmart Inc.
"Canada Drugs Prescription Drugs at the Prices You Deserve Tue 04/15" - 'Canada Drugs', the name you can trust, eh.
-----
Well, like I have said, I've been sick lately. Yesterday was surely the worst, as I felt like I was going to die. I mostly watched movies all night on my couch. See, breathing comes first, then other things second. This journal was a close 25th.
I have no school for the next 5 days, so I shouldn't miss a entry. Maybe. Er... yea.
April 14, 2003
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THE FIRST 'S' IN 'SARS' IS 'SPAM'
"Jane Berman Martha Stewart Living Sun 04/13" - Jane is my hitman. With this subject, it tells me she has failed.
"Left Behind Iraq: God's Plan? Sun 04/13" - God ALSO wants to make the largest man-made lake? *sings* 'Our God... is an awesome God...'
"HealthyHelp Newsletter Insane2757 Enhance your Manhood safely and naturally Sat 04/12" - I like the way they capitilzed the word 'manhood'. I mean, is it a proper noun? Is it a person? Can I speak with my manhood? If I could, it would probably complain about the asshole it has to live by. *corn falls from sky... again*
-----
Why didn't I update yesterday? I am sick. Today's update will be short as well, as I have a migrane and a huge report to write by tomorrow. I told people I had SARS, then touched them and coughed. I love those faces I got. Damn, I wish I had a camera. This [Setting - Hell] today is short, but I think its a good one.
On Saturday, I went to Pittsburgh. That's cool. Going there for a fuckin' high school band tournament... championship... circle jerk, whatever. That's not cool. but my friend has a girlfriend in the band, so I went anyways. Then we got lost in downtown Pittsburgh for a half of an hour. Some would-be punk gangstas were walkin' about. And we were attacked by a taxi. All in all, I don't think I'll ever do anything vaguely band related again. And they suck, so that's 2 reasons.
I'm coughing up a lung or a tumor... so I'm going to end this here. Remember kids, if you are sick, spread the love to EVERYONE. They are laughing about you, so pass it around. I know I did today. Ha!
OUT!
[Setting - Hell]
Stan: "So, does it ever snow down here, perhaps freeze over?"
Satan: "Yes... Yes it does."
Stan: "Well... that takes the fun out of it."
Satan: "Yea."
Stan: *cough* View/Make
a Comment!
Journal
Entry
April 11, 2003
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SPAM-I-CAN'T-THINK-OF-ANOTHER-SUFFIX
"TellUs Will your tax money be used towards rebuilding Iraq? Fri 04/1" - It better not be. Unless the US goverment uses my idea, to make it the world's largest mall and oil pump, featuring the largest piece of glass and man-made lake!
"Bargain Tribune new exposed cd Fri 04/11" - Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Bank Robbery! Murder! CDs exposing themselves to small children!
AND Yahoo! put a OSJB message in my designated SpamBox! Grr!
-----
Finally, I found a working 'adult' game, Virtual Valerie 2. Perpare for long rant!!!
-----
ADULT VIDEO GAME RANTATHON
It IS as pointless and crappy as we all knew it would be. The graphics are horrible blocks. The models for the ONE woman are exactly like... oh say, OSJB models, except with nudity.
Gameplay? Well, you control a hand. Without going TOO far into details, you click on the... err.. SENSITIVE parts of the body. And click. And click. And click. You know you won when her head looks like it will explode from the shaking. It looks like a bobble head doll on crack, the body doesn't move and the head has a rocket engine attached to it. Literally. The the "Climax light" lights up. Hurray, your soul has come that much closer to HELL.
The sound? Well, its actually seeming random .wavs of normal erotic gibberish. You see, this wouldn't be bad. And this game STRIVES to be horrible. So one file plays, then another does, so you get two playing. Then a third. Soon it sounds like the porno version of "The Exercist". And since her head is spazing out, it looks like it too.
So how can people like this shit? Okay, on its defense, I think the game is a bit old. If it's not, the developers need shot. And people who enjoy this game also need shot. Actually, I'm thinking of going on a killing rampage just out of spite. So, as the adult video industry grows, it is welcome in VCRs, on Cable TVs, and on KaZaA Lites, but PLEASE, not our games!
-----
Now, on with my journal. While getting that thing, which from now one is FORBIDDEN from being typed out of this post, I found better looking adult games. But you have to pay for them. How better looking? Well, I lied. The all look really bad. And if anyone is into this short of thing, they should consider a life as a hermit in a cave, because I think I'd beat the shit out of them if I saw them. Sick.
I'm going to take 3 more showers. THE DIRTINESS WILL NOT GO AWAY! Do you think Lime-A-Way is safe for eyes?
"If you enjoy looking at breasts (of course you do) AND playing Wheel of Fortune at the same time (I might have lost a few of you there) then by all means download this game. It's just like the Wheel of Fortune computer game only all the contestants are topless females. Freeware" - It's called Vanna White.
-----
Yes, I was told by people to go out and continue my search. Of course, they want to risk my computer.... Funny. The thing is that this is sick work. Hentai, Bondage, and all of the other sick 'erotica' on the net is poped in front of me. Its like the Crusades, but with boobs. And I found the nude Lara Craft. Ha!
Anywho, the rest of my life has been less disgusting. Well, not really. I was over at Penny Arcade, a normal comic site, without nude cartoons/anime. *shiver* And I found they linked to this page:
http://www.gamegirladvance.com/archives/2002/10/26/sex_in_games_rezvibrator.html
Yea, so finally a girl gamer figured out those rumble packs and things for games are actually sex toys. Where are these women? Over in Japan? Okay, who's coming with me?
No, I'm seriously. I'm getting a plane ticket right now.
While my credit card is clearing, which may not actually happen, I'll type some more. I've noticed that this journal is complete dirty. In the beginning, I posted the spam I got that had some 'sexual" dealie-os. I think it totally currupted me. AND it's making me use 80's terms!
And I am getting the chance to do that Spainsh thing over again since so many other people didn't bother with it. Yippee. So, I'm gonna go do that. Have fun making fun of me behind my back. Assholes.
"RedHotDeals News Letter Bad Credit - Your Home Loan is Approved Tue 04/08" - This is the worst kind of spam you can get. The subject isn't even plausible! I mean, I wouldn't be approved for anything.... its bad enough I got sent this twice.
"InstaTrim Complimentary program that's designed just for YOU. Wed 04/09" - See, if it was designed by mean, the program wouldn't have the name "InstaTrim". It would be called "Watch Hot Chicks Do Jumping Jacks" or possibly "Rocket Launcher Firing Range".
-----
No, theres no big long speech today. Well, there shouldn't be, anyhow. I'm tired and I am updating extremely late. My brain is now turned off. Its amazing I can type. And i probably misspelled "amazing". I can't tell right now.
So, how about those adult video games? Pixelated boobies? Seriously, that is sick crap. I was thinking of downloading it and giving a HUGE review. After you got over the fact I downloaded a "porn game", you might of actually read my reviews and rants. Only the best for THIS journal. And, you know I tried. Got 2 viruses. That, and a very hurt ego now that I relized I was DOWNLOADING that crap. Eww. That teaches you something, children. KaZaA is waiting to give you a virus. Type in anything with an "x" in the search field and you'll probably get a virus. Its bad enough the official version is trying to take your soul with spyware, but it is also trying to beat the shit out of your soul before it finds a buyer.
Was that a long speech? I sure hope not. On a cleaner, more plesant note, I am currently playtesting OSJB Bots and new Netcode constantly. Its very fun. I made a lot of news over there, so check out www.OSJB.com . I know the links in this journal never are clickable. Live with it.
I'm tired. I'm gonna collapse into my bed crying. This is an embarassing day.
April 8, 2003
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OLYMPIC SPAM
"Christine Mazer Would You like Fries with that? Tue 04/08" - Just keep saying it, and get used to it. Thats the one phrase you're gonna have to use for the rest of your working life.
"Louis Buset Hi again Insane, What is it you seek? Tue 04/08" - You. So I can beat the living crap out of you from sending me JUNK!
"X10.com SALE-Spy Gear Everyone Can Afford! FREE FedEx Shipping* Tue 04/08" - If there is one website I hate, it is X10.com . The world doesn't need to see a hidden camera porno about my neighbor's house. The one is a middle-aged guy and the other is a 70+ year old woman. Even I can't joke about that stuff...
"Dana Caione Luke, Hans Solo, Princess Lea and Chewy Mon 04/07" - Kinky.
-----
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/2123697.stm
Yea, I just found out about this. This is a touchy subject. Oh wait. I don't care. Please join me in saying "What the Flying Fuck?" to this article. Sure, the HIV-infected rates are high. So are the drug addictions in the United States... but you don't see the friggin "Carl the Chain Smoker" or "Andy the Amusing Alcoholic" on Sesame Street. Want to know why? 'Cause they live on my street. They aren't funny, educational, or a funny color.
And besides, how can you teach about AIDS without talking about drugs and/or sex? The only other way is the minor chance of blood mixing... That's like teaching how to drive withut mentioning the automobile. "Just turn the ... uh... circle thing... and the big... OTHER CIRCLE THINGS will turn, and you go in that direction!" AIDS is a horrible disease, and it is unfortunate for anyone to EVER get it, but if you're gonna teach about it, you're going to have to hit the issues. Not, "Oh, you have it, you're fucked, and THIS is how to not somehow spread it to others, although I'm not gonna tell you how you spread it."
Okay, the rant is over. I put the soapbox away. My day sucked today. My Spanish teacher wanted some stupid homework done. First of all, I am an arrogant American. As one, I don't believe in learning foreign languages. If they don't speak English, I don't care. If they were anyone important:
A). They WOULD have learned English.
and
B). They WOULDN'T be talking to me.
So anyways, I got half of it done. Then he says, "Oh yea, this is 25 points." Usted es el mas estupido fucking jerkoff del mundo.
Another neighbor and I were shooting guns today. It finally lead to a sword fight. Not with swords, but with bamboo. Okay, I live in the boonies, and this is what we do. Pointless shit.
And some old TFC guys invite me to chats every so often... and I haven't played TFC in 2 years? Possibly 3, but thats really pushing it. Why did I quit? Too many HWS? No, they all fall victim to the Insane... Too many times that 2Fort or a derivation of some short is on basically all the servers? Maybe... No, the truth of the matter is, I got involved in the clans. No, not the ones with white hoods. They are for target practice, not for joining. No, it seemed like a harmless little clan.
I'm gonna give you the lowdown on clans. Clans are for idiots. Do clans give you free stuff? No. Do you get paid? No. Are they your actual friends? Yes and no. If you just join clans just to have a meaningless tag on your user name, you are an IDIOT. You hang out with people who OBVIOUSLY do nothing but play games too much and probably haven't actually seen the Sun in 3 weeks. These people need therapy, not video games. If the members are people you know, why not? That is because of friendship, the other is because of addiction. Do I hear "Larry the L33T C1@|\| H@X0R" anyone???
Well, now that I've offended one half of my reading population with my rant on AIDS, and discarded the other person with my clan rant, or possibly because they are Mexican, I'll leave you with some advice.
"When a person tells you to do something, and you think you should, consult a robot, or possibly a highly intelligent alpaca. Because everyone loves alpacas. And if you can learn to love one too, you can start a farm and have many children."
"Your Breast Size @ fixnow Increase Breast Size Guaranteed Sun 04/06" - C'mon now! Thats just rude.
"inbox-deal WANTED: Anyone willing to lose 30 in 30 days Mon 04/07" - 30 pounds? 30 dollars? I'm thinking they mean IQ points.
KILLER DESKTOP by EditingArchive's own Zips:
[21:15] <[Zips]> http://www.gaming-world.com/forums/attachment.php?s=099f02c3028d41e5f7b336dc13665f3a&postid=84401
Its freakin' beautiful.
-----
So, my scanner is phucked. We all know that. So I passed the "Happy Train" picture to another wonderful person to scan it for me. Now their scanner is broken. The picture is cursed. Seriously though, now my printer is broken. If I don't update my journal for a couple days, you can be assured that the picture destroyed my computer and is strangling me to death. Speaking of "Happy Train", another picture is being drawn for me by the same guy about the same train. It looks good so far.
So, HomestarRunner.com didn't have a Strong Bad e-mail today. That made me very sad. But they say a new cartoon is coming! That makes me feel all warm and snuggly inside. And that doesn't happen very often. Not even when I eat hot spoons and teddy bears.
So Fear Factor was on tonight. The second stunt, which is almost always an eating thingy, was a "milkshake" consisting of superworms, redworms, nightcrawlers, and those hissin' cockroaches. I really have no comment, but it seems too good to pass up a mention. Well, it did look tastier and better fore you than what McDonalds can serve you. I mean, c'mon, that place is a concentration camp for fat people. They probably spray their "salads" with lard just to be sure you can die by the age of 18.
If you don't believe me, check out this file I uploaded for you:
http://editingarchive.com/view.php?ID=308
Wow, if that didn't disturb you enough, you can always read my past journals!
OUT!
[Setting - Hell] (continued from last week)
Stan: But then, why even have a Vice President of Hell?
VP Bob: A lot of whining management goes on here.
Stan: Makes sense.
VP Bob: I used to be the VP of heaven, but I ticked the wrong person off.
Stan: How so?
VP Bob: Well, as you know, the President of Heaven is St. Peter...
Stan: I thought it was God?
VP Bob: Who's telling the story here?
Stan: Sorry.
VP Bob: Anywho, one day, I went down to "Luke's Bar 'n Grill" with his girlfriend...
Stan: Huh?
VP Bob: I'm talking. So anyway, he got mad and fired me.
Stan: Heh. FIRED.... to hell.
VP Bob: ....shut up.
Stan: No, see... HELL. Fired... its a -
VP Bob: Pun.
Stan: Pun... yea.
VP Bob: ...so why are you here again?
Stan: Uhhhh... so hows the weather down here?
VP Bob: *sigh* View/Make
a Comment!
Journal
Entry
April 6, 2003 FILE UPDATE!
I uploaded a article that I made about offensive gaming on game Advisory panel. They haven't used any of the articles I submitted, and they should. Anywho, click, be merry, then comment. Easy.
Also, I got my first virus off of KaZaA Lite 2 seconds ago. Yippee! View/Make
a Comment!
Journal
Entry
April 6, 2003
-----
SPAMIFICATION NATION
"brosax Hi,insane2757,japanese girl VS playboy Sun 04/06 " - Okay.
Now THATS a fight I have to see.
"Natline Do you Support President Bush? Sun 04/06" - yes... and he's
very heavy. *corn falls from sky and kills Insane2757*
*Kumfer Gremillion more profession options with a wealthy future!
(VJ4J3y) Sat 04/05* - Is it grammer and capitalization checker for your
e-mails? If it pays by the word, I'll be rich!
-----
Another weekend goes by in which I have done nothing productive. I went to
the mall... didn't buy anything other than a Vanilla Coke. I played Hide and
Go Seek with my friends in Wal-Mart, but it was bad since we stopped
seeking and kinda read magizines for 15 minutes.
Hmm... well, my scanner is phucked. The AC Adapter is broken. I tried a
new one (which I electrocuted myelf on when I put the end in my mouth), but
it was of a different voltage or something. Needless to say, my scanner
wasn't happy, and promptly shot sparks at me. Lots of them. So I need
another one. The problem is, I don't have any kinds of those adapters at my
house which are an exact match, as this one appears to be custom from
Japanland, which, as we all know, was destroyed in 1903 by a huge mutated
squirrel.
What does this mean to you, the humble and drunk readers of my journal? It
means you won't be able to view the much awaited "Happy Train" until I can
find someone gullible enough to scan it for me. I've already got people
wanting it for a desktop, so I'm gonna give it to you people in according sizes.
Its black and white, so its not gonna be the flashiest thing, but maybe one of
the funniest.
Now I must go and do some things. Much more important things. I'll leave
you with a nice link. Its the new version of Crab-Ball!
http://www.spikything.com/games/crab-ball/
And this random MK dialogue:
Mortal Kombat 2's Friendship:
Guy 1: Look, I know I just beat the shit outta you... but lets be friends.
Guy 2: *says through 2 teeth* Uhhh... okay. Can you hand me my spine?
"Amen Shuart Men Approve: Large Breasts Are the Best (3Q0xRG8W) Fri 04/04" - Really? Wow. I think SOMEONE didn't read about my large breasts paragraph....
-----
Sorry for not updating on Friday kids. I had technical difficulties. Not to worry! Just a scanner problem.
I'll have an update on my crummy life on Monday, as well as a new [Setting - Hell], and probably some HomestarRunner.com gibberish.
If you can excuse me, I'm going to try to figure out my scanner problems and watch "Army of Darkness". If I can get the scanner to word, I'll be able to upload a picture of "Happy Train". Its wonderful.
Anywho, that IRC thing that I started lasted for like a half an hour of playing around in channel... and it also got registered! That was fun. I was an oper in a channel that dispenced nude pictures of Sim9, live lesbians (as opposed to... dead lesbians? Kinky!), and webcams! I'm proud of the service I can do in my country. *salutes while American Flag flaps in backround*
If you didn't see the current Penny Arcade comic, go see it. You can see what I do. I'm in touch with my "crafting and extorting from stocks and old people" side. I can make pot holders! Yippee! Okay, I don't. But, c'mon, its Martha Stewart. Shes going to hell and I'm gonna get her name in my journal before she kicks the bucket. Then I'll post morgue pictures of her! Muh hahahaha! *cough* Okay, maybe not. But it sounded good, right? Shut the hell up, not all these paragraphs can be winners.
While I am seeling out to advertising, go check out this picture:
http://www.fluidmist.com/images/hippybunny_sm.gif
Damn straight that hippee bunnies are taking over the world. And visting the other pages on there. 'Cause Misty (ya, I know the guy) linked to here. Pretty soon you'll have Insane toys in your fucking Happy Meals and you'll know I sold out big time! I'll do it too. I don't care. I'm a whore, children.
So maybe I should start about my day? Okay, on Tuesday, I had to write about British people. Today I had to write about Canadian people. If I have to write about the Frenchies or the Irish, I think I will bleed from every hole in my head. I have 8. How many do you have children? Only 7? HA!
I think a quote to take away from this journal would be that "A man who eats pancakes all day is a friggin' pansy, 'cause waffles are, like, fucking awesome." Maybe thats not the best quote. I don't care. Its catchy.
"Get it up! 16 million men can't be wrong! Join them now! Wed 04/02" - This is the kinkiest e-mail I have EVER recieved.
"Debbie What are you doing this weekend? Wed 04/02" - Well, there are these 16 million guys I've been looking at, and I'm gonna be "gettin' it up".
-----
Wow. I really wish this was Friday. I have 2 more days of testing. Testing sucks. Yesterday I had to write an essay on the effects of good shoe-making. I'd rather chew on shotgun shells. Or maybe solid chunks of Arsenic. Mmmmm.... deadly poison.
I playtested the new .97a OSJB version. REALLY REALLY good. And I have a 56k and a 5 year old video card. At a resonable resolution, it ran like a little boy from Micheal Jackson. It was great.
Speaking of OSJB, check out OSJB.com! I have news posting rights now biznoich! Now I can pimp out things I make. And if people don't like them, screw them. I don't care. I'm a great artist. You live in a box. A DIRTY BOX!
Other news is that a new [Setting - Hell], a continuation from this Monday's, will be airing on Monday. Airing might not be the verb. Maybe posted. Maybe etched. Maybe pornografied. That sounds delicious. Something that is pornografied? Ggggggggrrrrr!
Have you seen this "Are you Hot?" show? Why don't they just award based on fucking bust size? Did you ever relize that society rather display the althletic and handsome rather than the intellegent and innovative? You found the cure for AIDS? Yea whatever... now this chick has huge tits! Lets make her into a music star!!! *cough* Britney Spears *cough* J-LO *cough* Christina Aguilera *cough* Shania Twain *cough* Shakira *cough*
Sorry if this journal is exceptionally short today. Not that anyone cares, but its because of this:
http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi
That, children, is an awesome site. Most people are stupid, and they like to send hate mail. I haven't gotten any yet, but I doubt I will because I am on a dusty dark corner of the internet which only .000000000000000001% of the population ever sees. This man, Maddox, is sarcastic, rude, obsence, and basically an asshole. He is awesome. For people are offended easily.... don't go to that site. Please, i can't laugh at another hate e-mail. I'll die.
Also, HomestarRunner.com did a April Fools "King of Town" version of their site. I love that site. Some people disagree with me on that point. I really don't pay attention to many opinions. But that one is wrong. I think I seen this quote on Penny Arcade about some fan sending in a e-mail about Zelda's new game not being shitty. It's not exact, so back off. It went something like "My film studies teacher started off the first day of class by saying, "Each of these films are great. If you disagree, you are wrong. You can say that the Mona Lisa is a horrible painting. That says more about your taste in art rather than Da Vinci's skills as an artist."
Thats fucking wonderful man. Also MTV sucks. I don't need the arguement. Does MTV keep it REAL? No, REAL is meaning that you don't get paid millions for singing your shitty songs IN THE SHOWER. REAL is spending half of your life in a dead-end job. REAL is your kid's putting you in a retirement home. REAL is NOT Total Request Live. REAL is NOT Jackass. Sure, everyday I go to the store and ride in a shopping cart and bash my head off things. No, REAL is that I'm pathetic enough to write an online journal. Yippee.
Anywho, my day sucked. I had more testing. Remember I said testing was fun? April Fools! Wait, I'm a day early.... or late... whatever. AND I didn't prank anyone today... well, I did push people into lockers all day. Thats more cruel that pranking. Next year maybe I'll have something better. At least fake poo. Perhaps I'll get fake blood and put it all over the stairs in the shape of a head.
God, I love Homestar Runner in the best heterosexual way possible. AND
OTHER GOOD NEWS TODAY! This journal is gonna be a happy one
children....
* No Physics
* No Penis E-mails
* Strong Bad E-mail
* New [Setting - Hell] Today
BOOYA! Lets get this party started! First, I will start the journal with a nice
IRC quote that came out of my dirty mouth:
[16:41]Ghost - trance or techno
[16:41]Insane2757 - Eh, they are all the same
[16:42]Insane2757 - Kinda like I can't tell the difference between rap music
and the sound that comes out of my ass after 3 days of eating chili
Yea, its a dirty one. But I can't help it. I hate most rap music. I mean, I used
to talk really fast too and all they did was throw me into speech therapy.
My day started with State Stanardized Testing. Yippee skippy, about 2 and
one half hours of bubble sheet filling and essay writing. I wanted to pry my
eyeball out with a pencil. "What is 12 / .003 - 50 * (.5 + 1.5)^3"... wow, and
without a calculator too? Wowerz teacher guy, thats a toughie. You see,
thats called "sarcasm". If you didn't catch it, this journal is chalk full of it.
That, and words for private parts. But thats another journal entry all together!
When I got down with that, I had to go to Period 1. Physics with "the fat guy".
Now, before you call me an asshole for calling him that, you have to
understand an important fact. If you refer to a teacher, and you say "the fat
guy", EVERYONE knows who you mean. Anywho, he made some unfunny
jokes, I had some morbid thoughts that I 'accidentally' said aloud, it was all
good. He didn't do any lectures today, no did he stand up in class. We kinda
just sat around. That was good.
The rest of my day was filled with nothingness. An upside to the test is
apparently not learning a damn thing all day. The down side was reading
about the British. Dirty buggers.
I seen the Penny Arcade today. it had a guest strip. Not all that great, but
okay. If I had a cartoonist to draw [Setting - Hell], Gabe and Tycho would
defiantly be number #1 on my list. But I don't see that happening. After
Penny Arcade, I headed over to the new Strong Bad E-mail. Sure, its not his
best, but it was a musical and had Strong Sad AND Homestar in a friggin robe
and t-shirt(that featured himself). Hilarious.
I guess the next thing to do is close out by doing the new [Setting - Hell].
OUT!
[Setting - Hell]
Stan: "So, who are you?"
VP Bob: "I'm Bob. I'm the Vice-President of.... like, Hell."
Stan: "People elect you?"
VP Bob: "Well, I hold a glass of ice water above their heads UNTIL the elect
me."
Stan: "Isn't that mean?"
VP Bob: "This is Hell!"
Stan: "Oh yea.... Anyways, what do you do?"
VP Bob: "I do what most leaders on Earth do."
Stan: "Nothing?"
VP Bob: "Exactly."
*NOTE: Saturday updates are non-existent. Get over it. I'm sure you're not
that devastated. If you are, get a therapist. Also, I had to fix 3 mis-spellings
in this paragraph alone. Thank god for SpellCheck.net !
-----
91 messages in my SpamBox. Oh goodie.
"Online Pharmacy Phentermine,Viagra Loose weight or enhance sexual
performance NO prior prescript..." - I couldn't really figure this subject out.
Are they avicating penis pills? Loose buttocks? I'll move on...
"greatdeals@ webstakes.com RE: Your New Visa Approval Sat 03/29" -
Tell me this. Do advertisers think that adding "RE:" to the title of a spam is
gonna actually make me want to open it more, or less?
"Jen M. Order Viagra from your home or office - confidential and private
Sat 03/29" - It comes in a big brown box with "Not Penis Pills" stamped ALL
over it.
-----
Where do I start today? Let me tell you what my parents are watching right
now. A movie about Lesbians. Not a real plot, just about lesbians. Now, I
would be the first person to watch that movie. But its not really about the sex.
Just about the "relationship". I wasn't aware that lesbians actually had a
relationship, but I guess you learn something every day, apart from porn
flicks.
How about this: the two classes in school I hate are taught by a former
stripper and the other is a 400lb fat man. My life is a crude cartoon. Now, I
am not one to judge on looks, or on strippers, it wouldn't be bad if they weren't
both stupid! The woman, who teaches a history class, thinks "Medusa" is a
seven headed woman who turns people to stone, and if you cut off one head,
it grows back into 3. No, I am not lying. The man, who teaches Physics,
threw up a ball the other day, and much to his surprise, it came back down to
his awaiting head. Now you know what I have to deal with every day.
Tonight is gonna be a nice night, just like all Sunday nights. The TV lineup is
The Man Show, Chappelle's Show, Futurama, The Oblongs (A truely great
cartoon with Will Farrel!), then The Brak Show, Sealab 2021, Aqua Teen
Hunger Force, Undergrads, and Mission Hill. If it wasn't for Comedy Central
and Cartoon Network, I think I'd die. In a huge fire. On a cliff. With a guitar
solo in the backround and a ninja freaking out. WABBA!
[19:41]Doble04 - insane is a canuck too :O
[19:41]Insane2757 - I am so not a canuck
[19:41]Insane2757 - Although nationalized health care is very good...
[19:41]Insane2757 - hmmmmmm
[19:42]Doble04 - hes a commie! get him@
OSJB fun people.
Okay, sorry, that last part has to do with nothing. but the journal I write is
basically rambling, so I think it fits.
So, there will be another [Setting - Hell] tomorrow for your viewing pleasure.
Perhaps I'll hook some cartoonist into drawing some things. I could draw it
myself, and you'd TRUELY see some great stuff, but I am way too lazy.
"Beliefnet Jesus: Who was he? Fri 03/28" - Somehow I think that this website doesn't actually know...
"Healthy News Insane2757 Grow your penis safely and naturally Fri 03/28" - DAMN! I was hoping to get a run of days without a penis e-mail!
-----
I hoped some people liked my [Setting - Hell] dialogue. Trust me, I have tons more that I have made, as well as worked on with another wise person. Perhaps I'll make one in Monday's journal, that way you can watch the new Strong Bad e-mail, see the new Penny Arcade picture, THEN read my journal and a new [Setting - Hell]! Okay, I know you aren't looking forward to it. I am. And people, comment on the journal! If you don't have an account at this site, get one. Its a good site. No, really. I mean, I like it.
I downloaded the newest version of KaZaA Lite (http://www.kazaalite.com <- The KaZaA without the spyware shit), and somehow I think they will update in the next 2 hours. It always is like that. I just launched it. "Would you like Adult Movies and Pics?" Its like it was made JUST FOR ME!
Well, OSJB hasn't got to playtesting .97a with me yet... I'll tell you when I finally do get to play. The magnum is gonna be sweet. I do want a huge nucular gun though. *makes laser sound*
"MailWiper.com Tired of deleting junk mail? Wed 03/26 " - Internet Spam from Irony.net
------
I think the dashes make things look more.... I would say professional, but anything written by a user name of "Insane2757" would do anything good.
Anywho, I invented something with my friend today. I call it "[Setting - Hell]". It's basically a series of dialogues between Stan, a human wondering the depths of Hell, V.P. Bob, the Vice-President of Hell, and Satan, the Devil (duh). Sometimes Dante and Hitler stop in... its all good stuff. After I type this journal I'll add one for you. The introductory one, of course.
Also, I'm sorry for this being late... I am playing Timesplitters 2 like mad.... I beat it today on normal and I was quite proud of myself. I will play more tomorrow, and the day after that, and until my PS2 breaks or another game comes out.
Ack, I don't have anything more to type. Well, I have so tidbits, but nothing interesting..
NOTE: HA! It tried to delete all my stuff again! But I fooled it this time by copying everything to a seperate file..... MUHAHAHA!
-----
[Setting - Hell]
Stan: "So, uh, what are you here for?"
Satan: "Dude, I am Satan, you know, Prince of Darkness?"
Stan: "Oh yea. For some reason, I always envisioned you with horns and a bad complexion."
Satan: "To tell you the truth, I'm not that bad."
Stan: "Really?"
Satan: "You know how it is, you are talking to God at a cocktail party, and He is doing that 'glowing aura' thing again. Next thing you know, you spill your drink on His shirt and you are cast into a pit of eternal hellfire."
Stan: "I read somewhere that you tried to take over Heaven..."
Satan: "Maybe it's a combination of things." View/Make
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Journal
Entry
Okay, I had a very good one today. Then this website, which is not a cookie-enabled site yet, logged me out without my knowledge and deleted it ALL!
I had a Spam-O-Vision, a brief histroy lesson about how the world will end on Sun Dec. SumthingSumthing 2012, how I was going to have a cool ass rock band, AND I manged to make fun of several world leaders.
"Shocking News Insane2757 Grow your penis safely and naturally Tue 03/25 " - Look, I think I am a Viagra magnet now. I get these things every freaking day!
"Lenders@Yosup.com Insane 8543899 are you a Homeowner? Mon 03/24 " - Okay, I have 4 numbers in my name. No need to exagerate. It hurts my feelings.
---------------
Fun time children! Another exciting journal entry. I feel like stating one important fact: The person who descovered cow milk was a sick, sick man. Why? Well, when you're thristy, do you drink fluids that come out of animals. Sure, you could make the arguement, "When a baby is thirsty, it sucks on the mother's breast to get milk." Are you a cow? Would you NOW suck on your mother's breasts? Is your name Oedipus? No, I believe he was a very troubled man.
With that out of the way, the usual uselessness can continue. Physics is beyond words. The phrase "stupid lab" does not describe it, and surprisingly, adding key 4-letter words don't help either. Like "corn" or "milk" for instance. We did get to go down and watch some Army guy. I stole a water bottle. Well, I don't know if it was actually stealing. I asked twice if I could have it. He didn't answer. And besides, American tax dollars go towords the Army giving free shit away, and I'm hoarding as many items as possible. On Career Day I swiped at least 10 keychains. Its our money! I want some of it back, in the form of trendy metal clips, pens, and Spanish bumper stickers. Yo Soy el Army!
public class Journal
{
public static void main(String[] args)
{
String journal = new String("How about I just start typing everything in java?");
System.out.println(journal);
}
}
I was motivated to type that for no particular reason. Thats real Java people. If you don't believe me, screw you. You shouldn't have to test it yourself. :)
I'm going to play some Timesplitters 2. The game is freaking awesome, I suggest you go and rent it.
"If at first you don't succeed, erase any evidence that you tried."
"What seperates history from present day is usually either failure or death."
As I think about it, it becomes more true. The reason you have to stop working for a living is either that you failed at it or you are too close to death to be deemed fit to work. Kinda morbid. Depressing.
Possibly a better quote of mine is:
"God loves us, but if we don't worship him and follow anything he says (even the stuff that contradicts the other rules), He will send us into a pit of eternal damnnation and misery."
Okay, that wasn't unlifting at all. Maybe I have mental problems. *drools for 5 minutes* What? Jou-r-nal? What is this thing I am typing on? Key-bo-a-rd?
Oh, and I haven't done this for a while. SPAM OF THE DAY!
"Delivery at CuraLife.com Viagra? 21-cents-per-tablet better solution Mon 03/24 " - This is proof that I don't make this up. They are sending tons of genital-based products my way. And I begin to wonder, 21 cents an erection? And more importantly, a "better" erection? I want in on some of this mad coin they must be pulling in.
Anywho, I got done with that horrendous report! What a good day it is. I turned it in without having to read more than one page of that stupid book. As I talk to other people, the majority did the same as I did. So when you read this, I'm not the only slacker in the world. The virus is spreading. The sweet delicious virus. I believe that I can teach these ways, and spread them to any country where stupid work is assigned and can be done with minimal effort. The potiental is there people! I'm like Mother Teresa, except not holy and not quite as old.
Also, my pictures are File of the Week here at Editing Archive! I must advise you click on them. They are quite horrible, and must be seen, for art's sake. I can do much better than what I did there, but I wanted to maintain a certain cheesyness and B-Movie quality of... umm... B-Movies. Rubyzilla!
Also, I wanted to clear up something. Its not that I write this because I think its important, or in fact, anywhere close to relevant. And it sure isn't the strong 3 reader base I have. Nay, it is to find out how much time and space I can squeeze out of the internet. Laugh as you may, but if you've read all of my journal entries so far, that is at least 10 minutes. What could you have done in those 10 minutes? Learned a language? Showed affection to a loved one? Get life-saving exercise? Well, you won't be able to. I have those minutes. And you'll never get them back.... EVER.
Also, this journal entry takes 3 minutes alone, and reading this paragragh took 10 more seconds. View/Make
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Journal
Entry
Whoops. Today's Sunday an I didn't update Saturday! I'm sure all of your hopes were crushed. Thats good. hopes are bad children. They make you feel sad whenever you realise your life is a living hell and will never succeed. EVER.
So what happened yesturday? Well, http://www.osjb.org is NOW http://www.osjb.com! Whats this mean to you? Not a damn thing. But now OSJB can become a failing dot com instead of a half-way decent dot org. What else happened Staurday... oh, I got to begin writing my report! And I'm still writing it, because this thing is fricken HUGE. That, and boring. The Scarlet Letter is the most boring book ever. I think guns, frequent swaring, and explosions would help it greatly. "Hester, you slut." "Go to hell!" *sounds of AK-47 as Roger Chillingworth has 5 new holes in his ass*
And thats what I'm doing right now. Writing... and writing... and porn... and writing... and writing. If I get this done, I'll try to add another journal entry real quick. If I can't, well, you'll have to wait till Monday.
One last thing. I wonder if anyone cares to hear my opinion on the war? If you do, get a life, man. Not everyone's opinion matters. View/Make
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Random Thoughts:
* I'm slowly getting back to the normal time for journals.
* I have a huge article fo' school due on Monday... I have no idea what I'll be able to get done otherwise.
* "Eat yo freedom fries bitch" sounds like a good slogan for something...
Weee... I had a super huge migrane today. Luckily I slept it off. But during Physics, we had to do another pointless lab. The lab kept screwing up, my uber-headache got out of control and I was freaking out at my friends. Whoops. :) Sometimes the most peaceful of us get angry. And then theres me. Damn hippees.
I started playing Timesplitters 2 during this week. I know I'm a little slow on my videogames... but I'm catching up. The game is really fun, and when you blow the head off a zombie, its as if God Himeself gave you a big hug. Then you say "God, I can't breathe." Then He laughs. Hes a nice guy. You know, when ever He's not busy spiteing you.
I'm hungry. If life has taught me anything, its that a good ham sandwich will ALWAYS fill your stomach. And for people who worship the pig.... ummm... I'm sure veggieburgers are half-way decent too.
Ughh... I know this is later than when I write most of my entries. Thing is, I got home from school. Then I spent and hour or so outside playing with guns and fireworks... and shooting bottle rockets and seeing if I can disarm before they fly off. I got 2! Wooo...
So, I ate some food.. watched some war coverage. That stuff acts as if it is a far off game. Like its not real. But it is people! We are bombing the hell out of them, and our troops are marching on. Well, my countries troops are marching on. If you are not in the US, I hope you can support the war. If you are in Iraq, and you have not yet deserted the bastard Saddam, get the fuck out now man!
So then I collapsed onto my bed pantless at 6 PM.... Next thing I know, its 2 hours later. And it feels someone hit me with a bat. In the head. It hurts really bad. Maybe tomorrow I'll get with it and stop being delusional like I am. Maybe tomorrows journal will tell about today, as it was interesting.
Today I did something I haven't done in many years: Subscribe to a daily e-mail! *thunder, lighting, cheap jazz music* Naw, I guess its not as big as I make it sound. I mean, who wouldn't want Dilbert in their e-mail EVERY DAY? Well, obviously the communists. But we won't get into the reds' problems....
Just wait until I make a daily comic! Okay, I don't see that in the near future... but I keep my options open. Thats why I tell NASA that I can be a space man. Of course, when recieved a 30 page essay back on how I was NEVER going to be in the space program, it was a little dissettling.
Anywho, that "Lazy Insane" is getting pretty popular with the math students. I got people coming to me to learn the laziness. Okay, I lied. But they do ask me if I am doing it the laziest way poissble. I answer with a "YES!" Its good fun.
Okay I lied about the NASA thing. Sorry.
And there is no jazz music. I didn't mean to excite anyone.
.... and the lighting, that was just me with a flashlight and yelling "Boom!". I can't help lying. Its a problem with me.
Yea. Right. Ummmm... the thing about this online journal is that I can type whatever I freaking want. Not with a pencil. That requires too much work. You have to pick it up. Then you have to drag it along the paper.... then you spell something wrong, and you have to flip it. I'm tired just typing it.
And the daily spam:
"Delivery@ CuraLife.com Viagra? 21-cents-per-tablet better solution " - I hear that Viagra is actually good for you. It increases blood flow. The downside is that walking around with a huge bulge in your pants is a little embarrasing. Or is it????
Oooo! A great spam message today:
" 出会いウルルン！ 未承諾広告※★ネットで愛を育もう！★" I doubt this is l33t speak.... maybe it translates to "Enhance your penis size"....
Enough of the e-mail, though. I have one thing I want to get off my chest. IGN Insider sucks. There, I said it. It used to be that some articles were under Insider... now more than 50% are. And whats the fucking point of even posting them on the main site anymore? I want IGN to learn this: You have NO GOOD JOURNALISTS! Your articles suck ass. And by ass, I don't mean donkey, unless you refer to the ass's anal cavity.
That being said, I have a 6 or so page report due on Monday. On what? A 200 page book which I haven't started yet. Thats why I love SparkNotes. They take the dumbest books and put them into condensed non-stupidifed version us slackers can appreciate. I salute you Mr. SparkNotes!
Anywho, my life was another drawl once again. If it wasn't for the Juggalo game, I don't think I'd make it through lunch. Whats the "Juggalo game", you ask? Well, you get points for doing things to Juggalos! Stomp on their foot, 10 points. Hug them, 50 points. Thrown them into a locker, 100 points. They are getting smarter (if thats possible), they have avoided me thus far. They'll get theirs. ICP sucks, and if it takes a broken nose or two to teach that lesson, let it be so.
And, on a side note, my math teacher calls me "Lazy" Insane. Of course, he doesn't use the word Insane, since I don't want you sick fucks to know my name. Its quite funny, since I have the highest score in that whole class. View/Make
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Journal
Entry
Hmmm....journal? Not very snazzy... a text box and a submit button. I tell you, I wouldn't buy one. I buy things with color and free drinks. But thats off the subject.
Today, I want to take everyone on a trip to my spambox. i say spambox because its not an inbox anymore. I don't recieve any legitimate e-mail anymore. I actually doubt I get anything "in", just that the spam spreads through my e-mail system and just recreates itself. Over and over 100s of times a day with ads of penis enlargement and animal sex.
Anywho, I got some nice e-mail subjects today.
"Hidden Gems Houses for sale from $10,000 - Foreclosures, HUD, VAs...." - Hidden Gems? Why are you sending e-mail to everyone about it if its so good? If I had gems, I'd hoard like a mothafucker.
"Lifesaving News Insane2757 Stop Smoking in only 7 Days! " - In 7 days? Wow. Since I don't smoke in the first place, I might as well, since I can stop in a week anyway! Jolly good day!
"Hidden Gems Houses for sale from $10,000 - Foreclosures, HUD, VAs.... " - Wow! Its so good I get 2 emails about it! If these things are so damn hidden, why are the e-mails so abundant?
"Ramada Plaza Resorts O.F.V. Free Vaction and chance at Bahamas Cruise for two! " - This is the most interesting e-mail yet. If this wasn't spam, the e-mail would be an impossible angle. Why? Anyone who signs up for this shit to come through the e-mail won't have a friend or ANYONE to take on this trip. But maybe since it's free, that person can bring along a blow-up doll.
Yea... thats enough for me. I find it quite sick. Perhaps I'll list more of the 100 messages I recieve every freaking day. Wait... no. View/Make
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